US Customs and Border Protection

Today’s Sing the Unsung award is going to go to some folks who share the interesting trait of having to remain unsung.
Why? Because they are federal agents working counter-​narcotics in the US and the Caribbean. And their names cannot be disclosed. I’m making a new documentary TV series that might include them, and as a result I’ve embedded with them as they work to intercept the hard-​core narco-​smuggling. It shines a different light on things when you view it just simply in terms of basic flows. Billions of dollars of poison flows toward the US. And these guys risk their lives to stop it, so tht less poison flows through our veins. Drugs flow this way because we as citizens buy it. And we need to stop doing that. Just that simple.
Thanks, gents, for the noble work you do, in the shadows, on behalf of the rest of us.

Apparently me and CBP have a thing going. I want to like them, I promise.
I complimented how well they reorganized their operation in Miami airport.
But somehow CBP and I just can’t get along.
— The hassle to get the SENTRI card was extraordinary. (SENTRI gets you across the US-​Mexico land border more quickly. It is also part of the Global Entry program which is supposed to get you through the CBP inspections at airports)
— The headaches crossing the border into the US at San Ysidro.
— Insufficient CBP staff at Houston and Dulles airports.
Most recently it was CBP in Vancouver.
1^st some background. There are some airports like Vancouver where CBP does «pre-​inspection.» That means the do all the customs and immigration clearance checks before you get on the plane. Then you can fly to any airport in the US as if if were a domestic flight.
So I get sent to secondary. Apparently my fingerprints and the ones the have on file didn’t match up well enough. I’m used to it.
I’m really early for my flight so I’m ok. They make me wait while agents at windows do paperwork — just like in a bank. One woman does take the time to tell me that sending text messages is not allowed.
Finally an agent calls me up to the window. «Charles?» she calls out.
Problem 1: Am I an adult or a child?
It may be because I come from the South. It may be because I am an old fogey. But I hate it when clerks, random people on the phone talking about my car or my bank account or my auto insurance call me by first name. Really? Have we met before? Do I know you?
I can already feel that slow burn rising as I walk up to the window.
Problem 2: Am I a client or a suspect?
Whenever I am on the phone with a ticket agent or an insurance person, I always write down their name so I can use their name. Last month I called back my bank to tell them how helpful the customer service agent had been and I gave them the name I had written down.
So as I write down her name as give on her name tag, the agent says in an intimidating voice: «Are YOU writing down MY name?» The subtext here is that if I am writing down her name she’s going to hassle me and keep me longer than necessary.
So I did they only reasonable thing. I lied.
«Why of course not.»
Problem 3: A lecture? really?
She then went on to tell me how lousy my fingerprints are. That participation in their freaking Global Entry program is freaking voluntary. That they had warned me that I had lousy freaking fingerprints. Etc., etc., etc.
If she knew all of that obviously she knew that I am who I am and that I am not a security threat. Why didn’t she just give me my passport with a smile and send me on my way? (The CBP agent in Houston IAH did that just last Saturday when the Global Entry kiosk rejected my fingerprints. It took an additional 2 minutes, not the 30 minutes it took in Vancouver.)
Oh I almost forgot. She asked me why I was in Canada. Very tricky. Does anyone ever blurt out that they visited a country to commit a crime? She showed no interest when I said I was there to meet with CBSA, CBP’s Canadian counterpart.
Hey, CBP folks. I am client. A customer. A citizen. Why does your agent have to be such an officious, pettifogging pain? I not only pay my taxes, I paid $ 125 for a trusted traveler card that makes your job easier. The card you want more people to get. I don’t blame Agent Adams. I blame her supervisor and trainers.
Unless that’s CBP’s corporate culture and that’s how they want their officers to deal with the public.