Troika Bar

Eclectic, awesome music soundtrack to my Friday night. Enough to recommend this place on alone! Service was faultless, drinks and food was good too. Why was this place not as packed as all those other places with half as much on offer?

If you know what you want this place holds a great spot in my regular venues. Intimate, quirky, friendly staff, byo food. They are an amazing venue for the right crowd.

To give full disclosure, Troika is my local. It’s also one of the first bars I ever visited in Melbourne.
… But, the real reason I like Troika is because it’s eclectic. A mixture of randoms & locals, uniquely curated Electronica music, imported German beers and an eccentric owner who opens the place *when he feels like it*.
Troika is known to many as «that place with the optician sign opposite Trunk». Enter through a slide door that has a distinctly «bomb proof» feeling. You’ll instantly get hit by something that sounds like (but isn’t) Kraftwerk. Actually I’m not sure it isn’t Kraftwerk, or even sounds like it really. It feels like something more obscure. I’ll let Electronica fans sort that out.
On any given night the place could have a couple of locals, or it could be spilling into the street. I’ve never noticed any pattern to it. The location, irregular hours and overflow from Trunk might explain some of it.
For those of you that love them, it’s probably the closest analog to an American dive bar that you’ll find in the Melbourne CBD — or in Australia, by my experience.
On big caveat — Don’t order the pizza. It takes forever, after which you will surely be disappointed by the cardboard-​with-​cheese result. To be fair, it’s not actually them. They just forward your order on to a place nearby. I’m not sure exactly where. I wish I did so that I could doubly avoid it.
Three star place that gets four — because it’s randomly closed, occasionally empty, often over-​full and outside the mainstream. Not a dive bar, but evokes the intimacy and charm of one. If you’re in the area it’s a great place for a beer with a friend or two.

we had wedding drinks there and they were shit: hardly any food. we dropped at least $ 1000 in a couple of hours. but that’s nothing compared to this:

A neat Melbourne bar, just opposite Trunk. The fact that they do long-​necks late into the night makes it a regular

I have been going here for years loving the chill atmosphere and funky music, but the last two times at Troika has been such a letdown. Forget about ordering any type of red or white wine. My friend ordered champagne which tasted like it was sitting in the bottle for weeks. We went to the bar for a replacement, and the girl behind the bar with brunette coloured hair gave us attitude. She reluctantly gave us another glass, but it still tasted like piss. Not happy Jan, considering it cost $ 8. On the other hand, I could not finish my red. We are by far wine experts, but we do know if it is drinkable. The last time we went there, it was the owner’s turn with the bad attitude. Forget about drinking outside at the front. Be warned if you do. Be prepared to get your drinks cleared at the stroke of 11pm and be talked down upon if you are sitting outside. All of our drinks were swiped away and taken behind the bar, never to be seen again. I felt so ashamed for talking this place up to my friends that night. Do not go here for drinks unless you want bad service, be looked down upon and be given attitude. Look elsewhere for better customer service.

Troika is all the cooler for occupying a space in a part of Melbourne city that isn’t rammed full of other bars and eateries. There’s not a whole lot going on here except for Trunk (which I have no love for because its presence meant the end of my favourite steamboat restaurant) and the League of Honest Coffee and Miss Chu around the corner.
The little outsidey bit at the back is a great place to get chatting with strangers. It’s almost unavoidable what with the small set up, and the small set up also means that you will be smoking even if you’re not a smoker.
Inside, the space is small but cosy and the cocktails are pretty fab. The espresso martini floored me. Literally.

I had one of the booziest nights of my life at Troika, so I have slightly negative associations with it because I felt like death for two days after.
It’s a tiny, dark little bar with comfortable seats where time just seems to disappear. The wine here isn’t great (my two day hangover is clearly evidence of this) but if memory serves it was pretty cheap.
Compared to other hole-​in-​the-​wall bars, Troika really isn’t anything to get excited about, but if you’re in the area and want somewhere low-​key and casual then it will do the job.

Troika is a cute little dive-​eqsue bar opposite Trunk and with great proximity to Gami chicken. Meaning you can get your burger or chicken on, then keep drinking without having to stumble too far.
It does get busy and crowded in the evenings, but isnt that part of the atmosphere?
Props to the Soviet Bloc themed décor — even the outdoor tables are re-​appropriated army footlockers. Very cool.

Troika is a little hole-​in-​the-​wall bar in an area of the CBD that has little-​else going for it in terms of casual drinking spots. It’s dimly lit and has a really cool vibe to it.
Whilst I like the space and the atmosphere, my feelings about Troika are completely tied up with how busy the place is. It’s one of those bars that gets so busy that you literally cannot get comfortable, so when it’s crowded I just don’t want to be there (because you can’t get a seat, can’t get to the bar, can’t go to the toilet and can’t escape).
When it’s quieter, however, it’s great! It’s a particularly nice spot to sit at the small booths out the front when there’s nice weather.

Located on Little Lonsdale Street across from Trunk, Troika Bar has been around, unchanged since the 90s. Meaning «any group of three persons acting together for a common purpose» in Russian, you don’t need to be in groups of threes to enjoy the venue. Although I don’t think you should be alone either…
Through steel doors sits a large bar in a dark and red furnished venue. With lights set to dim, Troika is quite cosy, and definitely a place where you want to relax and have a conversation. On the menu are cocktails, beers, and wines — all the typical things that cater to various tastes. That night I was on gin and tonics and they didn’t get that wrong. The service wasn’t fantastic (slightly slow when it wasn’t busy), but I can’t complain on a Friday night at 2am.
Although just another average bar it does stay open until 2am on Friday and 3am on Saturday. So if you’re looking for a late night drink and in a relaxed bar, check out Troika.

Late one night some friends and I giggled our way around Little Lonsdale St looking for the best mulled wine we could find. We kept to the one street (and a couple of alleys) because, well, it was cold and we were lazy.
Just about to call it a night, we found this little bar. It’s an odd one, that’s for sure. First, we couldn’t actually tell what it’s name was. TROSISFHAJfSAKHDSC? Perhaps. I’d like to go with that, even though it turned out not to be the case.
The décor is themed around the concept of an optometrist chart. This is possibly quite handy for the barstaff, instantly provided with a sobriety (or lack thereof) test. It certainly would have come in handy for the poor young man who walked into the ladies toilets.
This place attracts the young don’t guess I’m corporate types, and tries very hard to seem relaxed and cool. Tries too hard, I think.
I didn’t try anything from the short list of cocktails, served by a waitress dressed in her school uniform. I was there on my mulled wine mission, and by golly I was going to get some.
The service isn’t great here, and to be honest the mulled wine was terrible. I don’t know how they did it, but I tasted little else but lemon and artichoke (!) that leads me to suspect they didn’t really wash the pot before they brewed the wine. Also, powdered spices? The whole thing smacked of laziness and I left feeling like the whole place, like the sign at the door, was a test to see if you could see the real deal behind the haze.