Bally Muck Tavern

I like this place. It definitely has that old school Chicago dive bar feel to it which is nice to have in this area. It’s casual and laid back and has a pretty decent crowd.

J’s Bally Muck is without question the finest bar on Westmoreland Ave in Waukegan. In the old days I would hitch my wagon to my crusty donkey «Hansen» and travel five miles from my onion farm to hitch him up in the pasture across the street. While the local children called Hansen names and threw mud at him I would enjoy the scintillating beverages offered at the great «Muck» and discuss the great pugilists of the day such as Chris «Greek Lightning» Gregas and Gerald «the Dandy Devastator» Glauritis. Such power, such grace… but I digress. And now in these modern times the Muck has ample parking for automobiles and several of the televisions. The music is delightful and the staff is the milk of human kindness. I hardly know the owner at all, bet he seems a decent chap. He badly needs clothing, please come around and enjoy the fun.

I’m only giving the Muck five stars because the owner paid me to do it. He gave me 50 bucks, but he only asked that I give it five stars. We made no such agreement about the contents of my review. In a hypothetical world where I am able to review this bar objectively, I would definitely award it zero stars.
The thing I dislike the most about J’s Bally Muck is J, the owner. J, also known as Jeremiah, is a tyrant. He rules every corner of the bar with an iron fist and will make no bones about challenging people to an arm wrestling match if they dare break one of his rules (Rules are posted on the west wall, near the men’s bathroom. All 478 of them.) J often cheats at arm wrestling, so don’t bet any money. He once broke the pool table because a bartender named Chris wasn’t doing a good enough of job making sure people were using coasters. I know J personally, and I know he is going to be upset at this bad review, but I hope he understands that a lot of people enjoyed that pool table and it wasn’t cool of him to break it in half using just his hands and muscles. Most of the Muck’s regular customers love J because they have to, but don’t let that fool you… J’s Bally Muck is NOT the worst bar in Waukegan.
The place also smells like horse urine during the warmer months of early Autumn, but the rest of the year should be fine.

A nice average Irish tavern in Waukegan. Not sure how many irishmen are left in this town, but at east there are a few drinking spots for us to go to. This place had good service and a small crowd when I went. A nice selection of beer and a kicking juke box was enough to make up for the lack of a pool table. Nothing too special about this place and just marking it down here to keep track of all the dive bars I have gone to around the area. I would go a second time if I lived down the street.

Let’s preface this by saying that I have never spent one day in Waukegan since moving out on my own without seeing a minimum of two people that I know that are unrelated to me. This is in a city with a population of 90,000 documented inhabitants. Every day is like some kind of reunion/​intrusion of my personal privacy and I’ve learned to live with people asking me to my face when I’ll get a better job, get married, lose 500 pounds, or wash my hair for once.
That said, my black Wednesday trip to the Muck was over the top even for me. I managed to see no less than my freshman homecoming date, two girls I went to elementary school with, a boy who I tormented at the pool for about five years as a kid, and several other of the random usual suspects.
Despite the parade of «This is Your Life» characters and way too many Jäger Bombs, the drinks are strong, cheap, and there’s a pool table. At least I’ll never run out of people to talk to when I come here.