Campbell County Detention Center

My dirty secret is about to be revealed… I spent an hour in the clink. I got picked up by the law for a bad check that I’d apparently written seven years prior. Nobody bothered to tell me about it.
That’s right: I’m so smooth that I was able to outrun the law for seven years without knowing that I was being chased. I’m listening to Michael Jackson’s «Smooth Criminal» right now, and baking a nail file into a cake for the hell of it. (Sidebar: It was all a big mix up and the judge laughed about it before tossing it out. My reign of terror can now continue unfettered.)
I have no basis for comparison since this is the ony run-​in that I’ve had with the law, so I have to use television, movies and rap music as my baseline. So here are my pros and cons:
Pros:
I did not get sexually assaulted
I got to eat pizza
All of the cops were really cool
I was not victim of the dreaded «shanking»
Cons:
There was no old, hardened prisoner to provide me with sage advice
No one offered me a tear tattoo
I was forced to watch According to Jim
Honestly it wasn’t a bad experience, but being forced to watch According to Jim was enough to scare me straight. I would have preferred the shanking. That show alone cost them two stars. Don’t test the law in Campbell County, kids, they have cruel, Jim Belushi based torture.