View From The Top

Nice rack.

In nautical terms, Linda B is ‘top heavy’ and susceptible to keeling over at the hint of a sea breeze. «View From the Top was part self-​indulgence, part ‘Girls Gone Drunk-​ass Wild, and a bit high school Facebook-​ish.
Too bad because Linda B. is a pretty girl. Perhaps she enjoys having people conduct conversations with her breasts. Tis sad to think that if she lives to a ripe old age, she will have to have a wheelchair just for her boobs.
I feel pity for you Ms. B. that you are so insecure you create such a physical barrier to prevent others from getting too close to your heart.

My daddy is a retired junior high school librarian. He’d probably look at me disdainfully if he knew I were referring to him as «my daddy» via internet. In all fairness, the word «daddy» should be reserved for girls under the age of 7 and porno stars respectively… or if you’re mentally challenged… or a mentally challenged porn star (AHEM’HEM). Judge other Unilocalers accordingly. ‘Sall I’m sayin.
Wait, why the fuck am I talking about my pops? This is supposed to be a review of «The View From The Top»… I guess I’ll talk about MY «View From the Top» because I don’t want to write all this and have it be instantly flagged.
I’ve never had the pleasure of having gigantor jugs. Arrrrghhh I’m having such a hard time writing this entry without using terms like «sand dollar nipples» and «low riders» and «Lane Bryant»… FUCK! This is impossible. Michael S. hit the nail on the head though, it’s absolutely common as muck to talk about one’s own assets. At the risk of sounding like a catty, jealous bitch I’d just like to state that I’m ridiculously happy with my small but symmetrical assets. Furthermore, I’m satisfied knowing that I’ve gained friends and fans based on my writing rather than the number of whorish photos I have posted. You’ll need to get me liquored up first to see those… and not be a horndog about it.
This post will make absolutely no sense unless you read the others in the series. Have fun.

hey this whole thing is very funny! Being a natural 36K 140 lbs and a ex figure model I cannot give too many comments except mine are bigger than yours. I looked down from the top and couldn’t see you granted I can’t see my shoes either.
(Please this is all in fun)

You guys read Linda B’s reviews? That’s your fault.
I’ll read the shit out of a Katie H. review, which lead me here, but that’s all I gotta say about that.

I’ve read Linda B’s original review of her boobs for this category (and looked at her profile pics), and read the other reviews. In response, I don’t know what compliment I’d think to give to Linda, other than a genuine «I’m sorry» that you have to carry such gargantuan breasts on what appears a small frame.
I’d guess there’s 20 or more lbs. of boobage she must carry around, and let me tell you, that can’t be the joyful experience pop culture indicates it might be. First, the physical strain, the digging bra straps, the back pain… not to mention the difficulty of finding a bra that fits. I don’t envy any such contraption you’d have to wear to support the girls.
I also don’t envy the looks and the comments Linda’s body must draw on a daily basis. Her rack is so large, it would seem more a curiosity to people rather than an object of desire. I am all for being proud of your God-​given assets, although I don’t know I’d be posting revealing pictures of me on websites for strangers to ogle.
I had to read Linda’s review 3 times to decipher the connection between her chest and Zig Zigler. It seems to be that he advocated using your assets to be successful in life (along with helping others). My dad — who lived through the Depression — never read me books by motivational speakers (he’s of a «shut up and suck it up» mentality).
However, I do profess a love for this guy:

COLLEEN!!!
Where are the filters when you need one!!!

I started this morning by reading Linda B’s review of her own boobs, entitled «View from the Top.» Her boobs actually look a little fatty and too big if you ask me. Here they are:
In response, I then promptly photographed my own ass with my cell phone. I was going to post my own ass picture in my profile and then write a review entitled, «View from the Bottom,» but then I thought that it would be cruel and Unilocal would probably flag it anyway, since my ass is not that great. (But actually I was surprised how deceivingly cute my 50 yr-​old ass actually looks in my cell phone picture.)
Anyway, I had a better idea. Here goes:
Will everyone and anyone on Unilocal who has ever seen, felt or photographed a set of big boobs kindly weigh in here so that we can assure Linda B she has accomplished her purpose in reviewing her own boobs?
I don’t mean write her a compliment. That’s too easy. I mean write a review! Like this one. Write a review of «View from the Top,» which not only demonstrates to Unilocal what litter and clutter a review like this is, but what worse litter and clutter it can be and how badly littered Unilocal would be if boobs review their own boobs here, or if wise-​asses (not a «hater») like me do what I am doing here.
You can use a numbering system that goes beyond stars. For example, you can give her boobs a 1 for being out of proportion to her body, or at least looking that way in the photo. You could give her a 10 if you think she’s all that.
I give her a 2 for being common.
Or, let’s all guess the bra size. Hmmmm, 34 J?
Or, a letter system, like F for freakin’ dumbass.
You all get the point. Join in — in the spirit of the review itself. Give the girl the attention she craves. You can’t go over the top. That’s impossible, because only a vain black hole with self-​esteem in the toilet and an ego the size of the Unilocal web site would review her own boobs in a forum like this.
Girl, do Zig Ziglar or any of those motivational guys your Dad reads and shares with you talk about using your brain to make your way in life?
Those boobs of yours are going to be making bra strap inroads in your shoulders sooner than later. Better take fine care of the rest of your wares. Your going to need them.
PS: PM if you want a picture of my ass.
PPS: Ooops, does this review violate Unilocal TOS because I don’t have «first hand» experience with her boobs? My answer: the review is actually about the picture of her boobs, so… if a picture of her boobs is fair game, so is this.