Cool Stuff Food & Tobacco

The first time I saw the sign I almost fell off my bike with excitement.
«Cool stuff?!» I shouted, out loud, «That’s exactly the kind of shit I’m into!»
I mean, you have to admit, cool stuff is pretty f’ing sweet. It’s cooler than sweet stuff, right? Except when they’re the same thing. But you get the idea. I am totally into cool stuff.
So I go in, all like, «What’s up babe? Hit me up with some dope THINGS. Bring on the cool STUFF,» and the small, pleasant Arabic woman behind the counter stared at me nonplussed. I was all, «SERIOUSLY, FOXY MAMA, LAY THAT COOL STUFF ON ME,» and she sort of shied away from me, probably because I’m so sexy. It can be intimidating, my sexiness. I decided to check out the store for myself, you know, like Indiana fucking Jones in some temple in Persia or India or some other place where people talk retarded, only without a bullwhip because i don’t go in for the kinky stuff. Just cool stuff.
Turns out it’s just like, a store. With kind of like, food and beverages and household supplies and cigarettes. Maybe some newspapers. Bit of the old Liquid Plumr and the like. I was poking around like, «Hey. Hey you. Yeah, you, the only dimepiece in this place, what time do you get off work?» when I realized I had completely missed a cache of SERIOUSLY COOL STUFF by the front window. Homegirl behind the counter was all dialing the phone with this weird look on her face (probably calling up some of her friends to be all, «This man is too good looking for one woman. Come help,» or whatever) but I breezed right past her and examined, at length, the small array of weird pot smoking devices, things with blinky lights and knockoff name brand electronics in the glass display case by the front window that I can only describe as … well, cool. It’s pretty cool stuff.
My curiosity satiated, I purchased two packs of those Djarum Black vanilla cigarette/​cigar things I like, slipped the babe my beeper number and headed right across the street to The Gingerman to kill a couple pints before my totes fave band, Papa Roach, rocked the Metro, which is also right across the street.
And when I need some dope THINGS, and way sweet STUFF (and cigarettes), I now know exactly where to go.