Alexander Lamb Antiques

I’ve been in here at least 5 times in the past couple of years when treasure hunting. I never walk out with anything, however, with antique stores you never know what comes in which is why I try. It is usually on the way to seeing my best friend at the record store anyway, therefore, worth a stroll in passing. I do love their classic book collection, records not so much. That is ’cause I am spoiled in the record department with a few stores past 19^th avenue a few blocks from each other. The cool thing about the store is that these are collected treasures throughout the owner’s travel. It is like looking into someone’s personal collection in their home. I don’t know much about pricing of antiques that aren’t toy collectibles, therefore, I cannot make a direct review or comment on the price. I will agree with Dan, the owner’s social skills, from my experience is lacking which is another reason I look and don’t buy anything. I do give 3 out of 5 based on the collection alone.

Walked in on a sunny afternoon. Was looking for several antique frames for my upcoming show. The shop was quaint, cluttered and intriguing. A tall slender man was standing near a desk. He looked like a character from a Jules Verne novel with a straw hat and handlebar moustache. He casually glanced over at me and said nothing.
Me: Hi there!
Colonel Mustard: harumph.
Me: I see some nice prints here but I’m looking for frames.
CM: The frames have art in them.
Me: I can see that. There’s some nice stuff too. You don’t have any empty frames though?
CM: None without pictures in ‘em.
Me: Do you know of any shops around here that might have picture frames?
CM: Frame shop.
I wasn’t sure whether this was supposed to be funny, if this guy is an idiot or if he was being sarcastic. So I chuckled nervously and tried harder to ingratiate myself to him.
Me: (Cheerfully) Heh, Yeah, that would be a solution of course. Ahem –I guess. Except I’m looking for ‘antique’ frames which is why I thought I’d… come to uh… (he’s not even looking at me anymore) to… you. heh.
CM: (No reaction.)
I’m thinking; What the hell’s wrong with this guy? Is he shy? Is he hard of hearing? Is he intellectually impaired? Is he still processing the question? Is there ANYTHING going on under that straw hat? So I stand in front of him, tilt my head, look at him expectantly in the eyes and wait for a reply. Surely he could recommend a place nearby that sells antique frames.
CM: (Seconds pass. Finally he bugs his eyes out impatiently and shrugs his shoulders.)
Me: Okay then –uh okay. Well thanks. Um…
CM: (Looks right at me again, says nothing except flashes a look that said «why are you still here?»)
This is not the first time I’ve encountered kooky behaviour from an antique store owner. So on the way out I asked him one more question that broke him out of his catatonic state:
Me: Why is it that some antique store owners have such bad social skills? Is there a rule or is it the result of breathing in dust? (Looong pause. I guess he was stunned. It was a rhetorical question so I didn’t wait for an answer and continued walking out.)
CM: (Suddenly he retorted in a loud voice and started following me.) Don’t you come in MY shop and talk to me like that! (His arms are flailing about. I’m worried he’s going to knock something over.) YOU have bad social skills!
Me: No I don’t. I just came in here to buy some frames. I was trying to be nice.
CM: Get out of here!
Me: Yeah. Gladly. It’s pretty obvious I’m leaving.
CM: Get out of my shop.
Me: Don’t worry. Not like I’ll ever be coming back either.
CM: (Follows me out the door yelling) Get out! Get! OUT! Asshole!
Me: I AM out. I’m outside. Jeez.
CM: (STILL yelling at me on the street) You little asshole! Never come back here!
Me: Yeah. Like I would. Whatever.
A couple sitting on a patio next door looked up and back at their newspapers casually as if to say «Somebody got The Colonel all riled up again.» I was calm the whole time but this guy went from a lethargic dim-​witted scarecrow to a stark raving lunatic faster than you could say «Colonel Mustard did it in the antique store with the candlestick.»
Anyhow I went across the street and found all kinds of beautiful frames.
So why two stars instead of one? After all Colonel Mustard did call me an asshole. One star because his shop IS nice and he has some neat stuff. *Note: he does NOT carry picture frames but apparently you can buy frames at a frame shop.
½ star to give him the benefit of doubt. It could be interpreted that I was the provocateur. I think I was just calling him out for being a jerk. You decide whether I was the jerk or him. If you think I’m a jerk disregard this review and check out his wonderful little shop. Let me know if you see anything I might like since I am banned for life :(
He is an amusing and eccentric fellow and I think the world needs people like him in it. So an extra ½ star for providing a charmingly bizarre start to my day of antiquing.

Like so many spots on Main, this is a place of cultivated eccentricity. Here you will find an unusual collection of used records and some quality books (many of them classics/​hardcover copies). But you will also find a quirky range of curiosities such as antique duck decoys, masks and art. This place also has a «Museum» of «exotic» items that were picked up during the travels of someone attached to this store. Perhaps this place will not end up contributing to your home décor, but it might prick your curiousity or appeal to your sense of the unusual and quirky.