Vlado’s Charcoal Grill

Don’t take your Mrs, Girlfriend, Daughter or any other female companion.
It’s all about the celebration of being a Carnivore, from the beginning to near the end, you’ll be «meat-​out» by the end of the day.
Medium or Rare with some Hot English Mustard will releases your endorphins, it’s nearly as good as???
Make sure you’ve got a good Cabernet Sauvignon to complement that $ 100.00/head charge, I don’t think they have change their pricing for the last 30 – 40 years :-)
The only let down in this place is their desserts, which is NOTHING in comparison to their meats, by then you’ll be full already.
This legendary institution needs no review, just go, especially when you are just with the guys.
ENJOY!

Any meat lover visiting Melbourne should go to Vlado’s. A restaurant that has been around for some 40 years and walls full of awards from all publications show just how revered this place is.
I loved the fact that this was a no frills restaurant. It has a set menu and the only thing you choose is whether you have a filet or porterhouse. Both steaks come in two sizes… big or small. I found it novel that when you are seated you have a coleslaw on the table with sliced tomato wedges arranged in military style across the top. Albeit, if you are hungry you can get stuck straight into it as soon as you are seated.
As it is a set menu the food just comes out fairly quickly. Whilst you are having your appetiser and entrée the waiter comes around with 4 different selections and takes your order of cut and how you want it cooked but beware… asking for a well done steak is sacrilege and generally results in a pointed stare.
The appetiser is a home made sausage and the entrée is a selection of eye filet strips, mini burger patties pork neck and calf liver, all grilled perfectly I must say. The main was melt in your mouth, prime quality steak and sadly gives you this empty realisation that up until now your butcher has been supplying you lower grade meat… wow, you will not believe meat can be this tender.
Desert was your choice of one dish, crepes with strawberries and ice cream. May I add that it was delicious. The strawberries tasted like those you pick out of your own garden, not the chemically treated garbage you usually get from the supermarket.
In all an amazing experience at one of Melbourne’s finest steak houses. Please go to Vlado’s to have a great steak and be treated to a Melbourne icon of no frills, basic fine dining. If you are seeking an extensive menu of choices and wait staff pampering your every whim then don’t go to Vlado’s however you will be doing yourself a horrible injustice.

My first visit was a shock. The place inside looks like a reference for a Howard Arkley painting. Suburbia, circa 1960’s. Brick everywhere. Formica timber tables. But reassuringly, right in the middle there is a giant barbecue like grill, and you realise this really is mecca for meat lovers. But don’t think you can peruse a menu and choose whatever you fancy. Instead you will drop close to a hundred bucks and get a set-​course menu, with few chances to choose what you’ll be served. Still interested? Do be, because there really is a reason why this place has been around since the 60s and still seems to get by without having a listing on urban spoon. Is Vlados. Is good. Vegetarians need not apply.

Came here for my birthday. This was one of the best restaurants I been to in Melbourne, right up my alley. They do one thing and they do it really well, which is the type of place I love.
When you step inside it’s as if time has stopped since it first opened. Old school place with only the odd paint job or touch ups over the years. Vlado’s nephew is one of the servers.
You don’t really get to order, there’s a classic set menu and they pretty much assume that’s what you’re there for. Starts off with a sausage (which they brought out before we even ordered anything), was by far the tastiest sausage I’d ever had in my life. Then a little tray of meats: pork neck, eye filet, hamburger patties, and cow liver. Not a fan of liver, but the patties and eye filets were superb. Then you choose your main course steak cut. At this point we asked them to space it out. I went for a porterhouse, others had tenderloin. And they were great. I’m not kidding when I say definitely some of the best meat I’d ever had in my life.
The house red is also perfect for the food and reasonably priced. And there’s a strawberry dessert.
They bring coleslaw/​tomato salad out too, and you can ask for some grilled capsicum, but then that’s it. That’s the entire menu.
The house made mustard is genius. Tastes like it has cloves and cinnamon in it. Take a forkful of coleslaw, dip it in some mustard with a piece of meat, and it’s just heavenly.
One of my favorite restaurants in Melbourne now for sure. But it’s definitely on the very pricey side $ 96 per person for the set menu (sausage, meat cuts, main steak, coleslaw/​tomato salad, dessert), so only for occasions. It’s also best to not eat meat for a week before as I did, to really be craving and spend time here to make it more worth it.

I’ve been many times over the last three decades and it’s still one of the best blue steaks I have had anywhere in the world

interviewer: so son, you want a job here at vlado’s?
applicant: sir, yes sir!
i: so, tell me what you know about us?
a: you are the mecca for carnivores! only meat lovers need apply! and definitely not for the vegan hearted?!
i: really? anything else?
a: the only constant is change but at vlado’s time stands still! you don’t change!
your loyal staff remains in employment like for, ever! your intimate décor, same!
i: interesting. is that a good thing or a bad thing?
a: sir, remember how as a kid when you were playing at the playground?
i: sorry mate, that was a long, long time ago!
a: no worries, what i meant is, then you wanted time to just stand still?
i: so, it is a good thing that what we do here is the same since 1964?
a: absolutely! and every customer likes that about you guys! consistently good!
i: so, you must know it is hard work here?
a: yes! i’ll come 3 hours before lunch starts to light the charcoal grill! set the tables. including topping up the awesome mostsome homemade horseradish! best in the world, imho! roughly minced for a good bite and kick yet with a sweet finishing note! then prepare the simple yet deliciously sweet tomato and cabbage salad. then hand make those pancake, more crêpe like, skins for the strawberry desserts. then serve the lunch and dinner crowd and stay on until all the washing up is done!
i: good on you mate, what about our meats?
a: sir, with all due respect, this interview isn’t long enough for me to regurgitate all that! but suffice to say, you can’t go wrong here when it comes to meats!
i: nice try, please elaborate?
a: a beef and pork neck sausage to start! delicious! a tasting second course of calf livers, a little overdone for me, eye fillet medallions, pork neck and mini hamburger, yums! by now, most customers will be full but it’s not the end. the 3^rd course allows for a choice of the eye fillet, a tender cut, the rump, a chewy but flavourful cut or the porterhouse, a more marbled cut. all these will be presented by the server for a visual presentation accompanied with explanations and request for cooking doneness.
i: and finally?
a: coffee or tea? dessert? if they still have a separate stomach for it!
i: so what about dessert?
a: strawberries wrapped with crêpe/​pancake skin served with cream and ice cream!
i: so how would you best describe vlado’s as an equation?
a: V = RI (ohm’s law)
i: what???
a: Vlado’s = Respected Institution
i: so son, when can you start work?
a: right here, right now!:)