Phoenix Theatres Union Station 9

This theater is lacking in personality, style, and finesse. Located in the bowels of Union Station, it’s dingy and run by seemingly bored and unmotivated staff members. Almost half of the times I’ve seen movies at this establishment, someone has had to run out of the theater to have the volume or picture adjusted.
There is, however, one extremely redeeming feature about this cinema: there are virtually never any lines. Are you dying to see the latest blockbuster but can’t stomach the idea of battling your way through Regal Gallery Place? Have you been trying and trying and trying to see the newest Oliver Stone political thriller, but can’t get in to the theaters in Dupont? Do you want to minimize the distance between the metro and your movie seat? This is your place.
The selection tends to be subpar, but marked by one or two baffling (but good) picks. Think: the latest Hollywood fluff and a random Bollywood pic. Or: every forgettable movie that’s been released in the last 3 months but something else that’s really good. I’m not sure who’s doing their picking, but it seems like he’s throwing darts.
Go: To catch the movie you’ll have to wait in line to see everywhere else or Katherine Heigl’s latest.
Don’t go: For the atmosphere or high-​quality screening.

Talk about a blast from the past. I remember this place when I visited DC in 8^th Grade too (props to Olivia D.) Sure, it’s often filled with noisy kids and funky smells. But there’s one thing that Union Station 9 has that no other local theater even dreams about.
Bargain Tuesday.
That’s right, all the latest films for $ 5 all day. No, we’re not talking about dollar movies that were released months ago. We’re talking about all the latest films like Harry Potter. Why pay double the amount at another theater when it’s just as good at Union Station. If you wanted an action-​packed house, you head over to Uptown Theater in Cleveland Park. But if you’re not sure if a movie is worth paying the premium, why not hedge against a potentially bad movie with a discounted screening? You might not recover those lost 180 minutes but at least you won’t needlessly waste an extra $ 5.
Oh, I’m writing this review based on the price itself and not the movie theater, which deserves either a 2– or 3-​star rating. I think it deserves mentioning one more time in slow motion: F-​I-​V-​E D-​O-​L-​L-​A-​R-​S.
[Last Visit: August 4, 2009]

I don’t go to the movies much, I do blockbuster rentals that come through the mail, but every now and then I have to see a movie on the big screen and this is the closest theater to my house. This place is old, it smells funny, sometimes the floors are sticky and there is a homeless guy snoring in the back row. But damn those are some comfy seats; they have a little give and bounce to them. They are roomy; I can’t be squeezing my J-​Lo (esq) bum in those little Rockville Theater seats for two hours, makes my back hurt.

So ghetto… It was my first theater experience in DC and I vowed not to go back to this one. The theater itself was nothing special: although it certainly wasn’t clean or classy. No stadium seating, uncomfortable seats, gross-​looking popcorn; all the standard fittings for a nasty train-​station theater. However, it was the people in the audience that really made the experience. We watched the newest installation of the Halloween franchise (don’t judge us… if we stop going then they won’t make them anymore). Anyway, the movie, directed by Rob Zombie and rated R, was predictably filled with grotesque deaths and explicit sex scenes. This was all well and good, were it not for the infant children in the seats behind us (literally: maybe 4 or 5 years old). This theater is apparently where all the neighborhood parents send their kids to be «babysat» on Friday nights, no matter the rating of the available options. There were definitely more children there than adults. This of course leads to screaming at the screen, kicking the seats, spilled drinks, and thrown candy. Add in that if you go in the afternoon or at night you have the pleasure of walking out of a dark side entrance into an unlit alley in one of DC’s hardest ghettos when you leave, and all-​in-​all the most frightening part of the night was not the movie, but our surroundings.
Bottom line: go somewhere else.

This is the theater you went to in 8^th grade with the exact same carpeting, exact same paint job, exact same ticket stand, same sticky floors and same bored workers. The only difference is that they replaced the fabric gum-​strewn chairs with roomy leather (pleather?) seats that lean waaayyy back. It’s like sticking the first-​class chairs in the economy class section.
So without stadium seating, it sucks. But if the theater is empty and nobody’s blocking your way, it doesn’t really matter now does it. Just lean back in your pleather recliner and enjoy the show.

So yeah, the main hall of the theatre has a funky smell, but the actual theatres are really nice. No stadium seating, but with seats like that who cares! They are extremely roomy and comfortable reclining leather seats. I will definitely be seeing the majority of my movies here!

hmmmm…
ok
the seats, five stars for sure.
the theater itself, gross, in need of a facelift
the bathrooms
DISGUSTING
all in all
3 stars is all I can give… those reclining leather comfy seats!

Not really too sketchy, but always a bit drab and feeling a bit in disrepair.
A recent visit highlighted updated leatherette seating.
I like the automated ticket teller machine.
I disliked the obnoxiously mal-​adjusted volume at the movie, with seemingly 90% of all volume coming from the front left the theater. I think I may actually have damager a part of my ability to hear (note that this was at the Golden Compass, not exactly an ear-​splitting special effects film)
This is a fun place to catch certain movies, I saw one of the Lord of the Rings series here and was nearly equally entertained by the local teenagers yelling «yeah, you got what you deserved.» and the movie itself.

It’s almost 10 pm, let’s go to a movie.
It’s late, it’s quiet, all the screaming toddlers are in bed. And check it out… the seats here are really comfortable and they recline.
Ooooh previews… my favorzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz­zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz­zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz­zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz­zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz­zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz­zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz­zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…:snort:
Huh? What do you mean it’s over?
((I’d review the Theater, but I sort of blinked out in the nice warm recliners. Minus one star for a comfort-​enabled snooze.)

If it weren’t for the proximity to my apartment, I probably wouldn’t go to the Union Station theaters. It is in the basement of Union Station, on the food court level, next to Johnny Rockets. It is dark and generally pretty empty, which means it is a good place to see popular movies on opening night. And it is cheaper than Regal Cinemas 14 in Chinatown, my other movie theater choice (if only by a buck or two).
No stadium seating. But the seats are surprisingly comfy. Like big, reclinable office chairs.
If you are conveniently in the area and want to see a movie without large crowds (in a somewhat sketchy theater), the Union Station movie theater is definitely worth a visit.