Archibald’s

this is a decent strip club
downside is managers lack service skills
God forbid you ask to change the tv to watch the game. Very lazy management
customers pay the bills

I love the girls here they are friendly pretty and fun! NO COVER CHARGE drinks are expensive yeah but what do you expect its a luxury to be in there! Friendly chill space, decent food! Hope i say anything there for a warm hello!!!

This is a flash back. I am 72. I went there when in town on business back in the 70’s, 80’s, early 90’s. Usually stayed at the Hilton across the street. .Choices then were to pay about $ 4 for a Heineken at the Hilton bar, or pay the same $ 4 across the street at Archibald’s and watch beautiful young naked ladies dance. Often was with several buddies. But reading here I think things have changed a bit since then. Too old to go back. even if I were in DC again. My wife was aware of this — said she never worried as she knew if the girls turned me on the prices would turn me off because above all else I was a cheapskate.

Hey Arch, NICE IMPROVEMENTS! And I aint just talking about the girls… seriously, the new furniture upstairs and downstairs is real swanky VIP for real. Drinks were stiff, food was hot, dancers were sexy, music was good but too loud for my taste.
I think the night i was there they had 15 – 20 girls working — i felt like a kid in a candy store.
Expect the doorman to be a dick, and just ignore him. Hes not a bad guy, its just his accent makes him sound like he hates you. :)

This place is horrible! My friends and I visited last night thinking it would be a pretty cool hang out spot and also somewhere to get food on Memorial Day.
1. The bouncers are extremely and unnecessarily rude. They informed us that we had to purchase something before we could even see a menu WTF! We shouldve ran them but decided to go inside anyway.
2. The waitress is rude and overbearing. She informed us they do not serve tap water and your only option is to purchase bottled water that is 8.00!!! Oh and the fountain drinks with NO refills are 7.00 a glass smh
3. The dancers are either ok and just plain horrid and don’t do much dancing, they just kinda twirl to 3 or 4 really bad songs and then come to your table looking for crumbs… weird
4. The WORST part about the entire establishment is the food. There were 5 of us and we each ordered different things. The food took a really long time to come and when it did come it was either lukewarm or cold. That night… all five of us had excruciating stomach pains and the following morning had to go see our doctors. I am reporting this place to the health department and the better business bureau. Please do not eat the food here unless you don’t mind sharp stomach pains that feel like contractions.

I was dying. Somehow, I had managed to catch a horrendous strain of the flu that would have made a peasant form the 1300s cringe. Coughing, hacking, It was ugly and then the phone rang with the bestie on the other end.
«Whacha, doin?»
«Dying,» sniffle, hack. «I need to go to CVS.»
«I’ll be over in five. I can take you, but I just have to run a few errands first»
And with that, I was out the door, roaring down the road to what I thought was immediate healing. However, she had other plans as she hit the highway at the speed of light, driving us toward D.C.
«Hey, I said I need to go to CVS!!»
«What! you think they don’t have a CVS in D.C.»
Before, I could answer we were running her errands with me coughing all the way. After an hour in, I had all but given up hope of finding a CVS when she said that she had just one more stop and the CVS would then be mine. Oh, happy day! She pulled up in front of Archibald’s, smiling, «I promise this next one will make you really happy and then we will go to CVS.»
«Did I mention that I was dying?»
«Come on it will be fun.»
Look, I’m no prude, and I am just as much a supporter of the fine arts as the next guy. Yes, a fan of all forms of dance; ballet, modern, Jazz, and God forbid, even Disco, I have no problem with the more exotic styles of interpretive dance expression. However, this really wasn’t the day for any of that. after all, I was dying, nor was in any shape to parry such attempts to elicit my sympathy in an effort to separate me from my hard-​earned cash. For these, I have a set of stock answers that usually serves me very well:
1) I’m sorry to hear about your mother’s upcoming operation, but fortunately we have Obama Care, so I’m sure things will work out fine.
2) That is awful that your car needs all those repairs. You know it might be cheaper to just upgrade to a new one and then it would be under warranty.
3) I’m sorry to hear that you’re short on rent. You know, I have faith in you that you can earn that much in no time. Don’t let anyone tell you any different. You’re a star.
However, I didn’t have to use any of these in Archibald’s, and for the most part the ladies were pretty understanding of my condition. No, real big hustle here, and they didn’t hover around even after I had tipped them for their noble efforts on stage. My friend went to say hi to the manager who she recognized as a regular in her restaurant years ago, which gave me the chance to check out Archibald’s atmosphere. I have to say that the whole place was pretty relaxed, a no pressure atmosphere which was a pit refreshing. Of course, the flu was well upon me, and perhaps the girls just took pity on me, but everything still seemed very chill.
My friend made her way back to me, saying, «Well, what do you think?»
«I have been in worse. This place isn’t all that bad. I mean, I didn’t sense any attitude from anyone.»
She smiled, «Yeah, I think you’re right.»
«Hey, you know what would be even better?» she starred at me blankly «CVS! I’m still dying.» And with that, we left the land of flesh and dance, making our way to world of Nyquil and orange juice.

Stopped in on a Monday to take out one of my people for a treat and, I was not disappointed! The manager even came by and bought me a drink. Thanks Monday Archibald’s crew!

This is the first time I went to this place. Not sure how it has been in the past, but my experience was horrible here. So, the dancers are not good at all. They stay for a long time and moreover sometimes they just leave and there’s no dancer on the stage. That’s messed up. And then there’s the $ 8 water bottle! There’s no cover fee but you have to order something there. And the cheapest thing is a bottle of water or beer for $ 8! Also the waitress is ugly and has attitude. Overall, I’d never go back there ever again.
Pro tip: there’s this sketchy dude that was at the entrance that asked us to pay to get in… He was a fake. So, don’t pay anything at the door.

Took my girlfriend here one a weekday evening. I’m black and my gf is white but I think the dancers were a bit racist.
We arrived at 1030pm, and we received the most absolute WORST customer service ever. We came ready to spend money but due to the horrible service, I actually saved a pretty penny. I brought a total of $ 400 to spend…$ 95 was spent on drinks, the rest I took back home with me. A few times I had to walk up to the bar and ask for our waitress because she refused to come back and check on us.
We tipped every single dancer that approached our table but all they did was take our tip and walk off. We sat there at the table for 3+ hours drinking our asses off but not a single dancer came over to talk to us. That was ridiculous. I never left a place so pissed off like I did with Archibalds.
I would suggest ANY other place instead of this one. There is a reason why they receive such low remarks on here. You couldn’t pay me to return to this place.

This place use to be a great hang out. The food is great, their entertainment is enchanting and the drinks are wells served. This place was my favorite DC night hang-​out since 2006; however that changed this May 2013.
I found the bartender and security to be rude and overbearing. While I was standing next to the bar waiting for single bills from my server the bartender asked her «why is this guy standing here» as if I weren’t to be asked myself, if it was any of his business to begin with, very rude.
My debit card was charged double my bill, a matter which I am currently disputing. The dancers remain beautiful and talented at their craft, but certainly not as pleasant and real as they use to be. The environment has changed from a cool hang-​out spot to a corporate hustle. I don’t know if the pace is under new management but I can say that I certainly miss the old Archibald’s. I will be looking for a new night DC hang out nest time out.
My friends had warned me the place had changed since last year, I witnessed it first-​hand this May. I supposed if you have never experienced the old atmosphere, this new atmosphere won’t bother you. However, when I’m paying for goods and services I like to be treated respectfully and not be double billed.

Ok, so this was my first time here, and I will definitely return… to me, its i prefer when the dancers are personable, smiling and atleast appear to be enjoying themselves while turning me on and earning that ‘doolah’. we hit it on a weeknight, so the crowd was thin and seating was easy. no growls from the bouncers or stress, and only a few frequent ‘big tippers’ monopolizing the dancers non-​show time.
the stages (2 on the first floor) are well placed and lit but there are no vertical poles, so no spinning around etc… only a horizontal pole to hang from. this however is a blessing because the dancers get to work their hips more and do the slow gyrating moves, instead of acrobatics in 5″ heels. the stages on the second floor may have been diff, but we didnt make it there this time.
the dancers are awesome… all get 5stars for personality. they were friendly this night and talkative, making eye contact and smiling during the up close show. like i said above, if the dancer is acting like she enjoys her work its all the better for the atmosphere. the general body type of the dancers here was top notch also… no overly tattooed ladies (too many tats distracts form the body imo)…all were between 5’2″ and 5’8″, and slender frames… the dancers were all natural, and their bodies matched them perfectly — pert ‘a’ and ‘b’ cups, and a solid natural ‘c’ were dancing this night… thankfully no 5′ tall fake dd dancers… says a lot about the quality of the club and the confidence of the dancers. culturally, the mix was good also, white, black, asian and latino dancers were all out this night. the variety will not disappoint.
the servers where friendly also, and not overly pushy about drinks. they even walk around as kind of «entertainer jr’s» with pasties and g’strings.
the only downside is the no contact rule… as in no lap dancing, but thats not the clubs fault as it law in dc so i wont hold that against the club. some people complain about the drink prices being high, but they are in truth on par is cost and size to drinks at a nightclub (dance club) in dc with the exception of no cover charge at archibalds…
perhaps on the weekends (fri-​sat-​sun) the air about the place may change due to crowds and stress, but i cant see that happening. all in all this club will not disappoint.

I woke up this morning and somehow I landed online reading Unilocal reviews on Archibalds. The first impression I have is… the average rating from the raters seems a bit unfairly low. I feel some of the raters may have never seen the rest of the world.
So the stripclub connoisseur and Archibalds fan that I am… I had to put in my two cents (I think the saying should be twenty cents now with inflation).
OK, I admit, this IS a DC stripclub which means: NO LAPPIES, NO CONTACT, HIGH PRICES. This in turn means the girls make less money on average which in turns attracts less talent. Hey DC — whats the big deal? Sure we are the most powerful city in the world… and having slutty girls giving blowjobs in dark skanky clubs would not be setting a good example… however, ITS GOING TO HAPPEN ANYWAYS!!! Well maybe not but you certainly can get that a few minutes away at the maryland and virginia clubs! Let’s face it – the rest of the world does it… why should we be so righteous as to not allow girls and single moms to voluntarily suck, fuck, and jerk their way back onto their feet?
Sorry, I got philosophical for a second.
Archies is a great place because if you are in DC, there are only a few premium choices. I have rated a few of the DC alternatives – if you want more info. The girls are for the most part pretty to very pretty… you will always have a weak straggler that will get weeded out eventually. The drinks are crazy expensive ($ 10−15+) but on the flipside, no cover charge, so you should be good for at least two drinks. The bartenders and servers can be friendly or cold, depending on your luck. The beefcake middle eastern bouncer guy is a prick but the rest of the bouncers I’ve found to be cool.
So, the fun factor at Archie’s really depends on how big your wallet is and how much suave and swag you have. A lot of times, the fun I’ve had there pivoted on buying drinks for an alcoholic dancer or two and tipping them for being your companion. I have routinely on many occasions drank up $ 300+ bar tabs and that was mostly my own drinks. Now, the real fun came when I’ve used Archies as my dating service and have gone out with some of the dancers that worked there (not as in a paid escort. she really did just go out with me!!). When one of the dancers really likes you, that boosts the fun factor times 10. The food is above average diner food, with the chicken wings being my favorite. The place is clean and fairly attractive if you can overlook the short ceilings, narrow venue, and small dance stages. I actually like the small stages because I can get a good closeup look at the girl to make sure I don’t bark up the wrong tree.
In short, while Archies is not a excitingly thrilling place, I do feel they put out a good product. The only drawbacks are that there is limited physical contact and that it is expensive to hang out there. I realize not everyone has $ 500 to spend for a night at the strip club so thats why not everyone has fun there.

Way over-​rated and the beer prices are ridiculous. Most of the girls are average looking with average bodies. Having just come THE GOLD CLUB in Baltimore this place sucked. It’s was crazy seeing all those guys including me ogle over a couple of average looking girls. I say skip it. Best strip club ever is BABYDOLLS in Dallas, Texas.

A drunk stripper came up to me, and said I looked bored.
So she showed me her tits, poon, kissed my cheek, and told me I was sexy. All for the bargain basement price of a dollar. That’s so cheap, it’s practically true.
If that’s not 4 stars, then I don’t know what the fuck is.
(Warning: This is a strip club, you will be sodomized by the price of drinks. What were you expecting?)

The food was better than I expected. They had a wide range of options from soups and salads to steaks to pizzas. I had the French dip and fries, which cost about $ 7.50 in total. It was pretty good.
The drinks were about $ 8 each, so the food is a much better deal. The mixed drinks were not made that well, so you are probably better off sticking to beer.
We went there on a weeknight, and it wasn’t very crowded. Service was on the slow side but friendly. The place is downstairs and a little dark.
I won’t comment on the entertainment. :)

These awkward moments brought to you by Archibalds:
Awkward Moment 1:
(approaching stripper dancing on stage)
Farzan: Wow, you’re hot! Here’s a dollar!
Stripper: Thanks sugar. *smiles, really weird teeth and gums*
Farzan: I want my dollar back!
— — — — — — — — — — — — — –
Awkward Moment 2:
(having a conversation with fellow Unilocaler Mic at the bar)
Farzan; So yea, there’s an Archbald, PA. Crazy right? It’s just as depressing as this bar but at least you can touch the strippers up there.
Mic: Why are you telling me this?
*stripper rudely interrupts*
Stripper: Hey boys. Having a good time tonight?
Farzan: I WAS. So anyways Mic, about Archbald PA…
Mic: (under his breath) Farzan, tip her. *slips dollar in her G-​String*
Farzan: But I didn’t even get a lap dance!
Mic: Welcome to DC…
Farzan: But I didn’t even SEE her dance. I wasn’t even watching any strippers!
Stripper: Welcome to being a homosexual…
— — — — — — — — — — — –
Awkward Moment 3:
(on the phone)
Customer Service: Hi. Thank you for calling the Better Business Bureau. How may I help you?
Farzan: Yes, Hi. My name is Farzan K. and I’m calling to file 2 complaints against Archibalds.
Customer Service: Sure, what is the nature of your complaints?
Farzan: Well this one stripper was all hot on the outside, so I tipped her, then she smiled and gave me reoccurring nightmares for a week. And this one other stripper demanded money from me when I wasn’t even watching her or any other strippers for that matter.
Customer Service: Sounds like a case of homosexuality to me.
Farzan: Thanks for the help.
Customer Service: Glad to be of service. Goodbye.
*These conversations may or may not have happened in this exact format*

As I was one of the non virgins when it came to going to strip clubs… hey! I’ve been to two other’s in WV…
I have to say MEH… giving my 2 cents adding to Kendall’s drawings… saw many small (o y o), another girl that looked like someones little sister… swear she did not look over 15, but there was only one… (o y o) that was very cute. The place was near empty if it wasn’t for our group… the dancers needed more space and did not look very happy… they needed a stage, not a 2 X 2 sq ft square! Anyone can just lean againts a pole! no skill there! So next time… WVA…hehehehe
Expensive watered down drinks! I

No touching in DC?! Wretched! I mean, the girls aren’t even allowed to sit on your lap. This, naturally, means no lap dances. Strictly only stuffing dollar bills into g-​strings all the while getting no motorboating pleasure!
What is this place?! Communist Russia? 2 beers, 2 jäger bombs = 40 bucks. Yikes. The security will find you a seat and there, you’ll be packed like sardines with a multitude of other men, all slobbering and drooling over the unobtainable goodies.
My friend insisted on spending all the money he brought so he split the remaining 100 dollars in ones he brought (yes, he was excited and brought more than we told him to) and we were just throwing money on stage like fueling a fire. Apparently, the dancer took that as a sign that we had money. She gave me her phone number. We left as she was leaving her shift and she again told me to please call her. Never got around to that and I haven’t been back… I don’t think I ever will.

There’s a rule when it comes to strip clubs, the prettier they are, the worse they dance. If you’re looking for a good show, wait until the one heffer in the club strolls on stage and watch your dollar disappear between the rolls.
The club is a little dark but the two stages on the main floor are well lit. The upstairs has one stage but it’s small and akwardly placed. The music played is decided by the dancer. At times the music may cut off abruptly so if you’re in mid screaming conversation with a friend (or a scantily clad friend) you may get caught. My friends have heard an old man scream «So, do you like it when they cum on your face?» when the music stopped. Fun Fun Fun!!!
There’s a wide variety of attendees to the club, from young professionals as myself to weirdos in trench coats. Let’s be honest though, a strip club wouldn’t be a strip club without that one guy in a trench coat.
The drinks are very weak, but the bartenders are flaming hot… even hotter than the dancers themselves. They’ve been known to show a boob or two when requested. The dancers for the most part are American Bred but you will sometimes see a lot of the Eastern Euros.
For the guys that want to know, no lap dances, no touching but full nudity.
My favorite part… no cover charge.
This G club is probably #2 in DC from what I hear… I haven’t attended #1 which is Camelot.

My favorite strip club in DC. But maybe that’s just my nostalgia talking.
As a lowly intern my coworkers and I just happened across this place, thinking it was the sports bar that is actually upstairs. We decided to stick around and ended up having a great time.
I returned a year or so later for a friend’s birthday and we had a lot of fun. The girls were really friendly and some of them were great dancers— others, not so much. There is one girl there that I’m kind of in love with: she has the most badass tattoo of a gun in a holster on her hip. I’m just a little jealous.