Twin Perks

OK I’m a man, so this place has something the male crowd likes, cute girls in bikinis. I have a good strong relationship with wifey so I will review this place knowing she’ll give me the ‘olé one eyebrow up like Spock look, but forgive my trespass none-​the-​less. This will sound like the classic I only read it for the articles line of BS, but legitimately, if you are heading east on 4^th Plain, from SR-​500, this is the only drive up espresso stand on this side of the street all they way out of town some 4 miles down. Vancouver’s love affair with center divides will keep you away from the competitors on the north side of 4^th Plain. So ladies, when your man says he only goes there for the great coffee, he’s fibbing. The coffee is mediocre at best, the appeal is the cute girls in bikinis. If you are not interested in cute friendly girls serving your coffee, there are much better options.

Disgusting. Men are such pigs and seriously these girls must have no self respect. Might as well be a stripper. How sanitary is it to make people’s beverages while practically naked! Bet they take pictures of themselves all day too. Nasty

I’m from out of town, Butt they have the best service. Always nice always great service. They brains an beauties. Working hard. I not a coffee drinker so she suggested a red bull with a mix fruit additive. I when straight for the flower! The Biggest Berry! Red bull an pineapple was, Great !

We first tried to stop at the Twin Perks in Kalama on our way to Portland for the day. It was closed being that it was the Sunday before Labor Day, but this one was open! Decided to drive a bit out of our way for a coffee with a view. It was a bad choice.
There was one car waiting on each side when we got there. It seemed to take a bit longer for the guy on our side as two cars had left the other window while we sat there. Once we reached the window, we weren’t greeted by the very thin gal in a floral bikini“ish” outfit. She talked really fast, didn’t spend any time at all making conversation and being friendly, but seemed to understand our order and got to work.
We waited probably the average time it would take to make 3 drinks, she seemed to be moving along inside that little hut getting it done. Asked us if we wanted whipped cream on drink 1, I said, «What was that?» after repeating I think I barely made out what she was asking then answered «no thanks». She could have reached her head out the window a bit and make eye contact. Then drink two, same thing, in fact I had to ask what she said because she talked so fast it didn’t sound like what it should have. Then… you guessed it… she asked a third time… seriously? I should have just said «No whip on any of them». Small thing but annoying nonetheless.
Then a different gal (whoa…where did you come from and how big is that hut in there?), came to take our money. Now SHE was cute. Great bikini choice and rockin body but still, not personable. Quickly grabbed my card and disappeared.
Our drinks got delivered to us and as we drove off each of us in unison were like «WTF? This doesn’t taste like _​_​_​_​_​_​_​_​». Unreal, they screwed up each drink. We aren’t even sure what we got. One of us had a sour tasting beverage and was a bit unsure if we should even finish it. By this time, we had already pulled out into the turn lane to head to our destination and there was no clear way to just pull back into the parking lot to discuss our disappointment with our coffee’s. Because of this we chalked this up to a $ 19 mistake and will know to never go back. I’m not even confident that they could have fixed our drinks, I just think the stuff they serve is bad. It’s the novelty that keeps guys and gals coming back I think. Sorry, regardless of the scenery, you still have to have a good product. We are out.
I’d skip this one. Just sayin. Plenty of other options.

The coffee is decent, if you like getting coffee made by girls who have no self respect? This is like the post job to becoming a stripper and it’s kind of sad to see it happen. I really despise living near this business.

Today I needed the most convenient coffee drive-​through on my route, and without any knowledge about the theme, I pulled up to this one. All of a sudden I felt like I had accidentally stepped into Hugh Hefner’s Bunny Club circa 1967. Two very young women freezing their you-​know-​whats off in perfectly objectifying bikinis and bunny ears. What, no men? Although the service and the coffee were okay, unless I were to see an equal number of well-​endowed, toned young men in skimpy Euro briefs serving the coffee, this type of business is out of date and out of order for me and my female compatriots.

Well this was my first time coming to a place where the girls were in bikinis, I didn’t think anything of it I just wanted coffee and my husband was buying lol, granted he got a view of bikini clad girls lol they are nice women and I don’t see anything wrong with it really it’s a job, and my frapp is delicious and it’s what I needed to wake up lol:-) I would come back again because the coffee is yummy!:-)

Awesome. Just awesome. I’d always heard about these bikini coffee shops, but never had seen one before. I happened to be staying in Vancouver, helping a buddy of mine make his wedding bouquet the night before his wedding. The following morning, tired-​as-​hell (wedding bouquets take a long time to make well, it turns out), I knew I would regret it for the rest of my life if I didn’t try Twin Perks. I needed coffee, badly.
But not only did I need coffee, I needed it served by very sexy and friendly baristas wearing bikinis. And Twin Perks provided just that! It was truly the breakfast of champions. I live far away, but if I ever find myself in Vancouver again, I will be back.

On my way out to a post lunch meeting today, I figured I’d swing by a drive-​thru coffee stand on the way to see a customer. I pulled up to the window, ordered my coffee, and left.
With a boner.
And I didn’t like it.
Coffee. Boner. unhappy. Three things I never thought I’d put near each other… ever. Seriously though. I’m sitting at a drive up window, listening to the sound of an espresso machine while silently screaming «WHAT AM I GOING TO DO WITH YOU!?» at my way-​past-​the-​age-​that-​I-​should-​get-​an-​erection-​this-​easily penis.
The reason for my mid-​afternoon rush of blood from the head? The barista that served my coffee was wearing a really skimpy bikini. Mind you, It wasn’t over the top as far as the beach goes, it was just out of place in oh I don’t know… a coffee stand in Vancouver on a rainy day in April.
It’s not to say she wasn’t attractive. She was… hence the boner. It’s also not to say the coffee wasn’t good; it’s actually perhaps the best I’ve had in the area. To add to it, she was really quite pleasent.
I had two little problems here. First off, I don’t really read the business names of espresso stands. I drive up, get my coffee, and leave. The pun «Twin Perks» dawned on me in short order.
More importantly though, I felt like a dirty old man. I’m promise you dear reader, I’m no prude. I swear I’m not. I just really don’t need to be reminded of the fact that I’m 35, my body is now built by beer, and I have no right looking at a girl 15 years younger than me with anything other than semi-​fatherly pride at her chosen profession (or maybe not). Call me old fashioned and lame. Go ahead. Do it. Anyone up for Scrabble?
All of this self-​loathing was only bolstered by me overtipping out of shame, probably leading her to think I was trying to get into her definately-​should-​not-​be-​described-​as-​pants.
If you’re reading this miss barista, ALL I WANTED TO DO WAS CLEANSE MY SINS AND GET A COFFEE BUZZ! l
My sheer discomfort aside, I’m going to give this location my standard 3 star star review based on the fact that the coffee is pretty good, and if it’s your thing, so are the boobs.
Personally? I won’t be back. but it’s not them, it’s me.

Visiting town, saw this little coffee shack and decided to give them a try… was pleasantly surprised to see the attractive barista in a bikini and bunny ears, complete with cotton tail (it was Easter time fellas, don’t expect that all the time). So that aside, my iced mocha was great… I was pleased with my coffee and coffee buying experience.