Redbox

This is the most peerless receptacle of movies and videogames in the western hemisphere. Lookin for the fifth installment in a series of popular brainless children’s animated films, or a straight to dvd horror movie, starring Matthew perry and fifteen dollars worth of megashark CGI? Hankering for the newest triple A videogame, and too dumb to pirate things from the internet? Well have I got a box for you. If you buy a stale donut at seven eleven, wave it in front of the face of one of the ever present junkies and he will filch a credit card from the guy buying a box of skoal, and you can get Assasin’s creed three and never return it, cuz it .aint. your. card!
That is only the dream Scenario. In reality the junky just mumbles at you, and maybe throws up on your shoes. I went at least thirty five times to this box and never once did i find matt damon stars as jason bourne in the jason bourne identity picture the third movie film. That is a bunch of shit. If the box cannot read your mind, what good is it? Instead of stuffing the box with bullshit, you might as well put out a cardboard box of cats with «the bourne identity» shaved into their hind ends– either way, I will be watching the exact same amount of movie I want to see.
I Suppose the second possiblity is that the box can indeed read minds and provide what they most ardently desire, and if that is so, it seems to be stuck in the brain of an exceptionally violent kindergartener.
p. s. There was one Matt Damon movie. It was about him trying to get a girlfriend, but then they went out on pabst blue ribbon happy hour night and he went for the kiss but licked her eye instead, so the whole night turned traumatic, and one drink in the face later he decided he was gay, and it was really this whole long thing, but eventually he had sex with a dolphin or whatever. Not worth the charge on the junky’s credit card, you ask me.

A polite rejection of Redbox’s romantic advances as follows…
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Dear RedBox,
Yes, you’re convenient — always there when I need you. But perhaps you’re a little TOO available, and too eager to give me things I really don’t want. I’d probably be more appreciative if you actually had what I was looking for.
But you don’t. You’re full of crap, and full of promises to improve next time. I know better. I know you’ll never change. Your incompetence makes me miss Blockbuster. Now there’s a real winner. A personal touch, very helpful and supportive, and always had precisely what I wanted. I would give anything to have that back.
I’m not going to put up with your bull$#it any longer. I won’t settle. So don’t be offended if I walk right by you without even a glance — it’s best we go our separate ways.
Regards,
Denise