Best Pickup Lines Ever

«Do you work at Subway? Because you just gave me a footlong!»

I was all dressed up as a Capitol Hillpster (plaid flannel, glasses, fake mustache) and this, out of all the lines from that night, is the one that worked on me: «I like your mustache.» JOKE LIFE, EVERYBODY.
Aaaaaaaaand an edit, because I just said this to someone: «Girls can date rape, it’s called feminism.» Take a number, gentlemen. Yeah, right there. Behind that line of cats and sadness*.
*I am too pleased with myself to actually be sad, but the sentence didn’t sound right without that and jokes come first.

Heard:
«I love your stockings, can I buy you a car?»
«Are you as mean as you look?»
«Why not?»
«I could paint you forever»
Delivered:
«I think you’ll do nicely»
«Come on, you know it will drive (name withheld for privacy’s sake) crazy»
«My window of opportunity is only open for so long, it’s going to slam shut on your little fingers if you don’t climb in»
All of them worked like a charm but these are for advanced players only, use with caution, two of them resulted in marriage.

On the Wishlist.

[long, almost-​creepy stare]
«WOW, you look remarkably like my next girlfriend!»

Did you fart? ‘Cause you blew me away.

«I like your booty and your beauty!»
Also anything from a man telling me about his pimp ride… when we’re on the bus.

Did you go to UW?

«Guuuuurl, you look like my ex-​girlfriend! Leave your man and I’ll take you out to dinner!»
Wow.

«All out of donuts and pants. — Brilliant.»
You’d never believe what that bought a mother fucker.

«What is that you’re eating? Is it good? By the way, my name is _​_​_​_​_​_​. What’s yours? Are you from here?»
Works every time!