Ebi’s Halal Lunch Cart

Why is it that I distrust a merchant with a smile? Especially if he’s smiling away while slaving away mid-​Summer behind a smoky grill, in a tiny food cart sans a/​c, drenched in sweat? Sure, the overly gregarious, affable, jolly guy who runs Ebi’s clearly loves his job, his life, your life, the planet, puppies, you name it. On down time you’ll catch him playing soccer with student passerbys or his young kids in the grassy plot adjacent to his Halal Mid East chicken & rice food cart. He sure is a nice guy, and maybe that explains the long lines at his cart. The food sure doesn’t.
I wish the chicken were tasty. It’s not the standard coriander & cumin spice blend served at every Halal cart this side of Market. It tries to pull off an Indian-​Mid East fusion of sorts, and I sure wish it worked. The chicken tastes and looks like chicken tikka minus the curry. It’s red like chicken tikka, but man is it salty. Overpoweringly salty. You can’t really discern any other spices, maybe some black pepper, because of the high sodium chloride concentration. Well, maybe except for a generic «grilled», well-​done kind of taste. There’s overly-​charred pieces, burnt ends, moist middles. «Burnt» and «overly-​charred» aren’t particularly great tastes, and the pieces that are appropriately cooked come few and far between. Some may call this kind of variety the spice of life, others may deem it uneven, unsteady, unsure.
Like the chicken but even more so, the lamb tastes like salt. And it’s overcooked. Or maybe «burnt» is a less friendly but more apt way to describe it. If you must order it, be sure to stock up on water beforehand.
The white sauce is incredibly rich and creamy. It tastes like a mild ranch dressing, with a slight lemony twang and some herby flourishes. These are obviously positives, but the distinct undertone of bulk mayonnaise detracts from whatever high notes the sauce otherwise hits.
The incredibly mild «hot» sauce contributes an out-​of-​left-​field Louisiana vinegar zing. Aside from adding a few zips of red and making the platter look oh-​so-​pretty, there’s no strategic reason why «this» style of hot sauce is warranted.
The salad is paltry, limp iceberg and a flimsy tomato. The rice is plain-​jane long grain, and there’s a lot of it on the plate. Pack those carbs in!
It’s great to see a really friendly and smiley vendor. Maybe that explains the loyal customers and the long lines. It’s also great to try a tikka, Indian-​Mid East fusion take on the chicken & rice combo. But it’s not so great to taste such a ho-​hum platter. That’s just disappointing, and turns smiles upside-​down into frowns. Let’s work on that spice kick, not that soccer kick.