Every Day with Rachel Ray

Every Day AWAY from Rachel Ray is a good day.
Sexual Chocolate!!!
:drops mic:

I subscribed to this magazine back in the day when I thought I’d take up cooking new things. Mostly, I loved all the food pics. But then, it got to the point that it was more appropriate for bathroom reading and I don’t want to pay for things that are just gonna be read in the bathroom. There’s always box labels or something that have plenty of words to read. And seriously, what’s with reading in the bathroom anyway?
I did not renew my subscription.

When Rachel Ray’s magazine first came out, it was promising. She was on the verge of becoming a lifestyle empire– with cookware, a morning talk show, line of dog food, her own EVOO, you name it. Her magazine began with simple, time-​friendly recipes. She thought of people working within budgets. There were great recipes for lemon pasta, bobotie (a South African casserole), the first issues were wonderful.
Entropy has taken over. The RR mag has more ads than the bundle of coupons you get in the mailbox, or in the Sunday newspaper inserts. It’s got a confusing, random layout… and I’m a confusing, random person… so if it doesn’t make sense to me, not a good sign. I used to like this mag when it had promise. Now the classifieds make for better reading.

I picked it up on the stands to see what it was all about… flipped through it twice started to read an article… had to put it down… personally i felt like something was missing from it or it was to overloaded or maybe it was both i don’t know or just maybe I’m scared of to much RR-​ism at once.

Don’t worry — no Rachel Ray-​isms here.
I am down to 2 magazine subscriptions. Go me. I don’t read them. Shittles me.
I usually have a RRmag on top of my hamper and I used to dog ear the stuff that stood out. I don’t do that anymore. It was a waste of time.
Harpers Bazaar is so neglected. I hope that subscription runs out — FAST. I’m tired of seeing rail thin models (that happen to look just like me *yeah I display no megalomania tendencies at all*) wearing outrageously fab clothing and toting exorbitantly expensive bags and clutches with no money in them. There’s enough of that when I watch Project Runway marathons.
At least I know I will be eating after leafing through RR, and will still have some money left in my wallet after buying the ingredients to what Rachel tells me to make. Well… I’ve actually made only one thing. Page 111 of September 2008, specifically. It was dewicious and even better as a leftover. It tastes like the stuff Marco Polo brought to Italy from China.
I’m thinking about making page 115 next. It tastes like hispanic maize and camarones.
Page 20 tells me it’s okay to play with my food. It tastes like candy.
Frighteningly, page 21 has an ad of the evil empire. It tastes like bitter domestic-​turn-​global ball-​n-​chain in the disguise of shopper savvy wall-​stuffs at come-​hither prices.
Page 100 makes me want to live on a farm. It tastes like Gwyneth Paltrow’s kid.
Page 80 tells me the flank steak my mom makes is an abdominal muscle. It tastes like cow tipping.
The coffee liqueur on page 128 looks awesome. It tastes chill.
~ 5 tbsp coffee liqueur, like Kahlua
~ ¼ cp half-​n-​half
~ 3 tbsp store-​bought choc syrup
~ 2 dashes cinnamon
~ Pinch chile powder
~ Seltzer water, chilled (last step to top the mixture)