5th NY SILENT DATE AUCTION for the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society

Shall I make reservations at ABC Kitchen for May now? You’re gonna have to unbutton your pants at some point here…

Ok. So clearly I have not adequately described what bidding on me can do for YOU.
My bad.
Here is a list of my qualities/​skills that can be put to use however you see fit.
–My tongue–
Yes, language skills are in no short supply on Unilocal,but I speak French fluently and Spanish at the level of a precocious 5-​year-​old. With these skills we could: pretend to be Eurotrash tourists, and/​or generally confuse others; or, um, I could like translate your cv or something. It’s up to you, fair bidder.
–My fingers–
I’m an ok cook — very much a recipe-​follower — but man, I can bake ish up like a mo-​fo. You give me a recipe, I will bake it for you. Or you can choose from my repertoire of classics which include: Earl Grey Tea cookies, cheddar chive scones, Grandma Claire’s Spritz cookies (and hey, you want them Christmas themed? You got it.), Aunt Selma’s Chocolate Cake (this is made with dark chocolate & espresso and if you like covered in maple glaze or powdered sugar)
–My dirty, evil mind–
My best asset, honestly. I may not have Britton’s abs or Cara’s ass, but I have the skillset of an evil mastermind. The type of evil mastermind who would mate them to make the ubermench or wench … wait, wha? … where was I … oh, right. You need an ex made jealous? A clever break up email? some zingers for that godawful co-​worker? I will help you plan, nay, plot whatever scheme you think might be too crazy to share with your current friends. I take no personal enjoyment in this; i live to serve. You know… for cancer and stuff.
AND
Let me be clear that this will all happen in tandem with the date I shall take you on. I’m a fan of fancy cocktails, but if you’re a beer person, beer it is! We will microbrew the eff out of our date. I also like strange activities, like subway tunnel tours and walking tours of edible plants in Prospect Park, but if you want to rock a dinner date, I am yours.

Q: so you have a new offer ?
A: Instead of asking for cash and taking you dinner, the beach etc I have an offer that no one else is willing to make.
For a mere $ 100 I will prevent the world from ending on may 21.
Q: really ?
A: people who know me know I’ve known about the coming apocalypse way before the posters went up in the subway (the message was conveyed to me last Oct in the back of a cab). I’m connected like that. I can talk to my people and will promise the world will be here past ⁵⁄₂₁ if my goal is met.
Q: would you like to share more about yourself ?
A: no, not really.
Q: well hear your into movies, want to talk about it ?
A: well you can actually find a large body of my work in the adult section.
Well providing the porter didn’t mop it up.
[ long awkward silence ]
Q: and if your goal isn’t met?
A: to quote another james «If I don’t meet you no more in this world then I’ll meet ya on the next one and don’t be late. »

Against my lawyer’s recommendation, I’m selling myself to the highest bidder (again). Best of all, all profits go to the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society!
Your date shall be customized to your preferences. I’m your concierge. I can plan a food tour of kings (or paupers) and hang as late as you want, and drink as much as you can, unless you’re sporting two livers. Basically I’m down for anything that doesn’t involve handcuffs. Unless you really want? Remember, the sky’s the limit!
About me: I’ve got a Masters degree in something I kind of use. Even though I don’t watch TV — I thought «Lost» was a reality show, no lie — I’ve been told that I’m a well-​adjusted guy. If you need help organizing your life, I’m an experienced life coach, too.
Bid today! I’ll match all bids (up to $ 150). Bidders welcome from all cities. Please note that this year I actually live in the New York City area.
P. S. Even though I now live in the area, I can’t make it to the date auction afterparty.

5 stars for Nina, for organizing this awesome event once more!
ABOUT ME:
Eclectic, Italian, and explorer. If I have to describe myself in four words, it would be: «playful crashes into mindful».
TESTIMONIALS:
— «I came on a very special date, September 25^th. I’ll never forget it.» «I had a memorable day and an awesome date with Matteo.» –Sandy C.
— «If this was a job interview, you would be hired.» –S L
— «Sometimes 6 inches aren’t enough.» Elle P.
Wait! What?! Ok, scrap the last one…
WHAT WE COULD DO IF YOU PICK ME:
A nice pizza (Lucali, Paulie Gee’s) and a good beer could be a perfect date. But if you’re a sophisticated person who prefers cocktails, what about a drink at Pegu Club, The Richardson, or Hotel Delmano? Or let’s indulge in a nice glass of wine at Stonehome Wine Bar in BKLYN, or Ino Café & Wine Bar in the West Village.
But if you want something really special, I’ll be honored to cook for you. I can make a mean seafood pasta or risotto. I’m pretty good at risotto, actually; chose your pick: a decadent radicchio risotto, a pioppini mushroom risotto, or something something unusual like a risotto with baby bok choi and Chinese sausage. And of course flourless chocolate cake, if you’re into indulgent desserts.
RAISING THE STAKES:
For your aural pleasure, if you bid $ 100 or more, I offer you two amazing date options:
1) The Highline Experience:
Dengue Fever live at The Highline Ballroom on Friday June 10, followed by dinner and drinks.
I’ve seen Dengure Fever at Southpaw a couple of years ago, and their mix of pop and Khmer psychedelic rock is pure, non-​edulcorated, FUN! Moreover, the frontwoman, Chhom Nimol, has an amazing voice:
2) The Full Frontal Brooklyn Experience:
Thievery Corporation live at the Williamsburg Waterfront on Friday June 26, followed by dinner and drinks.
I’ve seen Thievery Corporation live many many time, and they’re one of the most energetic, fun, and eclectic bands around, producing cool music that ranges from downtempo, to Indian beats, to reggae and dub. Their live sets always feature an army of amazing guests:
Here is what the Thievery is like live:
So, what do you say? Tempting, eh?
So make your bid, and show you care about the cause!

************************FINAL DAY*****************************
I appreciate everyone who Participate /​Bid /​Donate for this great cause. It’s been a great opportunity to meet new Unilocaler (And stay in touch with the old Unilocalers).
I cannot say what I would offer if you bid US (Me and my other half). But I can guarantee you that I will be your great friend! (That’s how I met Radford T. Who Bid $$$ on me last year). I Will offer my personal suggestions, Invite you to special events (You can be my +1 for the Unilocal elite events, hehe), Great activities during summer (Chill at the park, Wine tasting, Hiking, etc.) Dining out and many more!
I was really sad that I didn’t get to meet Roderick A. deep enough, but I remember that he was one of the FIRST FRIENDLIEST Unilocaler I met when I was a newbie and I will never forget that. And because of him, I got closer and closer with other members, that this is not just a site to review and meet people to conversate random things. WE do care for each other. Because of him, I Volunteer for this and offer every help I can do.
Also after for the auction ends. I’ve decided to DONATE my hair Next month (Mid June) for the People who is in need (regardless the amount you bid).
Again. I THANK YOU in advance for your sincere donation for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society.
AND now… BID ME NO B*TCH! Only couple hours left…
And NINA C. Thank you for Making this happen! I LUV YOU!
— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — -
Day 4:
Keyword: «SLAVE»
(“for the rest of the year!”)
You do the Math!
($$$ Divided 180 days = UNDER one DOLLAR PER DAY!)
PS… Another keyword for you… «DUOS»
And i’ll throw something else… My Other Half and I will Do the Popsicle Video for YOU, ANYTIME, ANYDAY!
Do the math again!