Global Safety & Security

For all of you lucky bastards that don’t have to get drug tested for your job, please disregard the rest of this review and go light one up for me.
Unfortunately in the engineering world, almost every job requires testing for drugs both legal an illegal. What is involved, is an annual test as well as random test, aka «lets keep ‘randomly’ testing the only twenty-​something in the office because you know those kids are always doing stuff». For those special times of the year when my name is called, I am required to schlep over to Global Safety and Security and donate a sample of carbon dioxide and bodily fluids to prove that I’m a fine upstanding member of society. I can’t really fault GSSI for the actual testing; they are simply providing a service. It’s the corporations that I indirectly work for who require such ridiculous.uh.rigorous testing. But I digress.
Anyway, if you have to get tested GSSI is not a bad place to go. The parking lot is a little tricky, but they have plush leather couches in the waiting area as well as a water cooler which helps with your ‘donation’. The people there are nice and they get you in and out pretty quickly. The fluid donation is pretty self explanatory, but they also give you a full breathalyzer test which is a little more involved. Yes, you simply breathe into a little Star Trek gadget, but what you might not know is that you have to blow hard on that thing for almost 10 seconds. Go ahead and crack a joke. I’ll wait. …
That’s the best you could do? Oh well, sleep on it and let me know what you come up with in the morning. Oops, I think I just gave you another one.