Beef Pizzle

Forewarning: Graphic review!
Have you ever eaten something so profound, and so life changing, that you just had to write a separate review for it? I can’t really say I have, until now. Many moons ago, I will never forget my first trip to the Buford Highway Farmer’s Market and seeing beef balls and schlongs for sale like it was normal. I am fully aware that some cultures use every part of an animal, which is mad respect. Some others use certain parts claiming aphrodisia and virility– kind of far fetched, but I like their sales pitch.
Anyhow, I was always curious to see what type of cooking medium they would use it for. I figured with the tendons and what not, a good ol’ braising in some mustard based bbq sauce would do the trick. Who wants a tough penis anyways?!
Last night, I was a changed man forever. I went to a restaurant that had lots of items I don’t see on everyday menus– including beef dick. 5pcs (skewers) for $ 10? Who doesn’t want dick on a stick? I was queasy thinking about it. I mean chewing at ones manhood, the thought of it made me cringe. I had ordered other items, but there was some that was ordered to be shared.
When it came to the table, I saw this gelatinous substance over the coals. Was it squid? Nope, it was sliced dick! That made me cringe even more (note to self: I WILL NEVER enter an establishments restrooms who serves sliced penis, I just won’t).
They looked like cooked condoms on skewers, or if you wanted to, just put them in a serving bowl and pass them around like chips. It seemed normal.
When I was through with my food, the peen was calling my name. By this point, it was a mix of peer pressure and just having to get it off my list. I took a few pieces off the skewer and popped it in my mouth like a golden coin. It was flavorless, and chewy. I think it should have been marinaded in something before it got grilled. I took another one, and put one in my back pocket for later.
I would have to say the virility part didn’t work, as thankfully I didn’t end up walking around the end of the event with an unanswered raging hard on (phew)! After this, on my 6 hour drive home, this is all I could think about. Unbelievable. The worst part is when I got home my stomach got upset and I just laid in bed helpless wishing I could sleep.
Maybe one day I go to battle with beef peen again, but it will be my rules, my cooking. I wrote this review on the basis of hopefully answering many unanswered questions about an item you would not normally run across. Try it, I dare you! I lived to tell the tale, even though I got some morning sickness :)