Glickler Funeral Home & Cremation Service

Are you in the market for a crematorium to turn your mortal remains into ash for cash? Is your next of kin the sort of person who laughs at a funeral?
Does the fact that a loved-​one just passed away in front of them leave your spouse or children plucking the gold and jewels from your dead, still warm
body rather than sobbing and in shock? Would you rather make your family pan for gold in your ashes than let them keep your priceless heirlooms?
Then this is the cremation service for you!
They say you can’t take it with you when you die, but Glickler Funeral Home & Cremation Service begs to differ! They will give your family 24 hours to
stop blubbering like a school girl with a skinned knee and come to grips with your death long enough to call them and request your valuables. After that,
you and your jewellery are going in the oven to be erased from this world faster than a gollum and his precious at Mount Doom! Your wife couldn’t stop
crying her eyes out for a week, and now she wants that ring that was on your finger? Too bad! She’s going to be picking through your ashes for bits of
metal and bone to wear on a chain around her neck to remember you by!
Want to be cremated while dressed from head to toe like Mr. T, but worried your funeral director will try to remove all your bling and ruin your pimp
walk through the pearly gates? Don’t worry! As long as you don’t have a pace-​maker Glickler Funeral Home & Cremation Service will respect your
privacy; they won’t peek under the sheet prior to your cremation! Even if they do notice you’re wearing valuables, and even if it’s clear your bling
is worth more than you paid them, rest assured! They will not remove it to give to your family or to sell to the nearest pawn shop because that is
looting; which is illegal! Glickler Funeral Home & Cremation Service will carry out your last selfish act and will burn you with whatever you want
us to burn you with (as long as it does not damage their equipment, hence the «no pacemakers» clause). Because they don’t care about making money, they
just love to burn things!

Larry Glickler should consider another business to get into. The way he treated our family after messing up how our father was cremated is disgraceful. He refused to talk to anyone face to face, and when he was on the phone a person could not get a word in edge wise. He messed up and now some treasured family jewellery is gone forever, and he can’t even be respectful enough to treat our family with a little compassion. This is a person who has been in the business too long. Larry, you’ve been doing this 20 years you say? Maybe next year you will learn how to do your job. Also, this should be required reading for anyone wanting to do business at this funeral home: