Old St Pat’s World’s Largest Block Party

The World’s Largest Block Party benefits Old St. Patrick’s church, built back in 1841. And unlike an NFL player’s girlfriend, it has managed to remain standing. This event has been shortened from two days to one, and is now held in the parking lot of UIC, the safety school for folks who aren’t able to get into U. of Chicago, DePaul, DeVry, or the circus. Ticket proceeds ($ 40 in advance, $ 45 at the door) go towards Old St. Pat’s social justice programs, which help the poor, the sick, and the hungry (i.e. UIC grads).
Is this event a shameless meat market? Let’s just say few of the patrons would be good hotel housekeepers because they don’t know how to turn a bed down. When talking to women, I frequently heard «eyes up here!» although I attribute that less to their provocative dress and more to my lazy eye. And sure, I got a strange look after a conversation with a nice young woman when I suggested, «How ’bout we head back to my place baby?» But can you blame me? That’s where I keep my roofies. So no, this event is not kid-​friendly, which sounds strange to say about a church benefit. Then again, for the last 40 years, you could say the same about the church. If you didn’t go to find your Mary Magdalene (blessed patron saint of whores), your ticket got you 3 free drinks and the chance to hear the bands Young the Giant, the Neon Trees, and 7^th Heaven. I assume 7^th Heaven was invited to a Catholic benefit because they had the word «heaven» in their name, kind of like when I went to that Mothers Against Drunk Driving benefit featuring Asleep at the Wheel.
Great party, but a couple of suggestions for next year. Amidst all the boozin’ and whorin’, it was easy to lose sight of what mattered — our Lord. So why not replace the games of bags in the northern parking lot with on-​site confessionals? And perhaps next to the stage, instead of posting the band names and sponsorship logos, we could post the 10 commandments? But perhaps the crowds would be less interested in going. Then where would a guy go to see a little leg? Other than the dumpster behind a Planned Parenthood, that is.