Batch Farm Country Hotel

It’s a nice day for a white wedding… ah, Billy Idol’s snarling lips always materialise in my brain when I’m planning to attend impending nuptials. Well, the weather was very here and there, and the brand new Mr and Mrs P were certainly vigilant when it came to the British climate… August is an unruly month and popping their ceremony in a deliciously decorated room meant everybody was safe.
Let me start by getting personal. If anybody is woman-​problem squeamish, you might want to look away now, but really, it’s not all that bad. You might as well know that when I arrived at this very pretty location, I’d left somewhat essential girl items back at my hotel. Instantly, I panicked. It’s no fun being THAT girl at ANY party, as Carrie found out the hard way. My prayers were close to being answered with the machine in the bathroom, but when that was revealed to be empty, I almost cried. Thankfully, long story short, a very understanding female member of bar staff took me into the kitchens and stuffed my handbag full of freebies. Amen to sisterhood.
«They were in First Aid?» the brunette quipped when I recounted the story over the phone. «How grim.» Indeed. Still, free is free.
Anyway, girl-​emergency evaded. You can see why Batch Farm is such a popular wedding venue, one look at the website will tell you what they’re capable of in terms of highlighting your big day and relatives of the bride and groom who were staying in the hotel itself assured me the accommodation was thoroughly deserving of its four stars. The bar staff were friendly, the venue was pretty spectacular (especially the main room which they’d decked out with canopies and lights like a marquee) and the food was very tasty.
The only qualms I had were personal — the creamy lemony sauce that came with the salmon fillet was so sharp and rich it was almost overpowering, and I found a few bones which is a real pet peeve of mine… plus I’ve never understood that when these places get redecorated and renovated, the swirly, dated carpets remain. It adds far too much of a social club/​service station vibe to a luxury environment. But again, the staff were soldiers that day, incredibly tolerant at the end of the night too when swaying guests were slurring about grabbing taxis.
Congrats to the happy couple — and I’d certainly recommend this place for a wedding. The grounds especially are exceptionally gorgeous.