Funky Winker Beans

I rocked this place. I’ve never had such a great Mariah Carey experience ever. Highly recommended!

Usually we go on Sundays in the afternoon to listen to Leonard and the Lab Rats, drink a ton of beers and Caesars.
We enjoy it and always have a good time but I can not give that last star because we decided to check out their Heavy Metal Concert on Saturday night and after ordering two Caesars the Bartender told us not to be ordering any more Caesars as he refuses to make any more mixed drinks.
It appears he would be happy with everyone just drinking beers.
We will be sure to avoid the night time events and their lazy Bartender from now on.

friendly unpretentious bar where a middle age guy can relax, knowing there are SOME places he doesn’t feel too old to be in, and buying someone a drink DOESN’T mean that I expect a social contract from it.
I came in last month after hearing that ‘We Don’t Care’ (WDC) is back together and performing at the Funky Bean.
I arrived early, thinking to avoid cover and see if any other Surrey slummers were hanging yet.
Scouting the place, I decided to sit down at a table next to some students from Que.
After I drained my pint, came back with a pitcher and wound up being led to their quaint little flop house, for more beers, mushroom tea made by nice Japanese, and offers of mary jane from all the roomies.
Missed the WDC thrash metal show entirely, but I think it speaks more to a bar’s appeal that one can find other options…
All in all the evening was great, and I had my little time trip back to Surrey after all!

«Ermahgerd! I’m scared to go inside there!»
This cry from every bridge and tunnel princess is the reason you need to go inside there.
Cheap drinks, sticky floors, shady bathrooms and an even shadier clientele is what keeps me coming back.
Hosted by The Evil Bastard, The Evil Bastard Karaōke experience is karaōke for people who hate karaōke. None of that pretentious crap by people who take it too seriously. It’s the way it should be, free spirited and fun. Also is one of the city’s last live punk & metal music venues, no Nickelback cover bands here!

Well, one of the regulars started a fight again, like she did every time I’ve been here. As soon as I got to the bar she was throwing coasters at me and the bar tender, who asked her to stop (despite me being in a good mood.) Afterwards she had to be separated from trying to knock someone out who just seemed to be minding their own business.
Similiar behaviour from her seems to happen every time I see her here, but she’s never asked to leave. What’s with that?
Oh yeah, review update, got it. Evil Bastard’s Karaōke has been running for al ong time here and it’s is really fun. I love the leather couches at the front. Full range of beers from dirt cheap $ 3 cans to not so cheap $ 6 cans. Crazy art on the wall from their various shows, some really good, some really really bad. Weekends are shitty unless you’re in to patches, studs, and people from Langley, but I like the bar enough otherwise.
I will subtly raise the rating on this if I notice her being reprimanded for being a total jerk, or just not being welcome back like any one else who acted like her would be.

¹²⁄₁₀₀
Am I about to write a review for a «Dive Bar» in the DTES??? Yes, I am.
Even though I was a bit apprehensive going in, after my second double tall vodka/​cran I was ready to party! I had lots of fun last night! I love karaokers because they are so much fun and uninhibited. I like singing along and applauding loudly! I also like to rock out on the mic. Which I can do GREAT at home for some reason. But I guess the combination of stage + lights + audience + singing + dancing = loss of breath on karaōke night. I still do not know why people think they can get up there and rap, that is really brave.
But hey, at Karaōke entertainment is guaranteed! Me + NA style Karaōke = PARTY TIME!!!

I know this is going to sound weird but I liked Funky Winker Beans back when it was just that, back before it became Funky’s. It’s now where all of the orphaned Cobalt devotees go in absence of a proper punk rock dive bar, but this place lacks a lot of the charm to be found at Cobalt as it’s still filled with genuine creeps, a bunch of 19 year olds who want to learn what it means to be «punk» and of course the esteemed guest of honour, bed bugs!
I will occasionally follow the herd everyone wants to go here, but I’d never suggest it. If I want to show someone a dive bar I’ll take them to one of the many, many *actual* East Hastings dive bars. I’d actually rather spend time around miserable old alcoholics than teenagers who think we can relate because we both wear a lot of black, and whose «favourite» band is the Misfits despite only knowing three of their songs. At least the miserable old alcoholics aren’t all up in my grill.
Okay I guess like I sound like an old curmudgeon, but I’m not I swear! I’m still hip, I’m still cool! I have just genuinely never enjoyed myself here and the bothersome patrons don’t make taking the bed-​bug or hepatitis risk worth it.

Ok, with trepidation i’m giving this place another go… My boyfriend and i came here a few weeks ago since it’s pretty much one of the best music venues in the city, bed bugs or not. We didn’t sit down the entire time, didn’t put anything down, tried not to touch any surfaces and washed our clothes when we got home, but that still didn’t keep me from having bad bug dreams the next night.
I’m curious to see what will happen with this venue since it just got bought out and is under new management. I’ve heard it’s Donnelly Group (probably holding the spot until that area gets a bit cleaner before turning it into a douche bar– shudder) OR it’s the people who run Electric Owl. Either way, the venue is reopening shortly after renovations, and the new managers definitely have some money. They have little postcards at the bar telling patrons there is new management, but they aren’t little homemade handbills they put together in Word and printed themselves– they obviously spent money on the graphic design and went to a printer to get them made professionally. When i was there though the venue still had the same cool vibe and the music was great though, so no complaints!
So we’ll see what happens to Vancouver’s hardcore music venue! At this rate, if Funky’s keeps changing hands, getting bugs, but consistently having good shows, and having otherwise notable news, i’m going to end up with 500 review updates to this place! Yeesh!

This place is super super fun! The Cariboo beer (best cheap beer, don’t fight me on this!) is 3.50 $ and so being here ensures being drunk and stumbling about. Which is good! Because it is a metal bar and there’s great music, live local bands and people dancing by the stage. The seating arrangement is good with lots of space. It’s narrow but everyone kind of congregates near the back where the stage is so if you’re more interested in sitting and looking pretty (me, totally!) than there will always be a seat for you.
It costs 5 – 10 $ to get in and the bouncers are friendly, good looking and come with good humor. This seems rare in Vancouver but I’ve come to expect the friendliest staff at the most ‘hardcore’ places. When the staff is fast, kind and can spare a smile I never mind paying a premium. Best thing about Funky’s is that there is no premium! Unless you think 3.50 $ for a beer is too swish.

Wow, they weren’t kidding when they say this place is a ghetto-​dive bar. I’ve been to ghetto places such as the Cambie and enjoyed it immensely, but to be honest, this one’s a bit too ghetto for my liking.
Sure it’s on the Downtown Eastside. Sure the inside is beaten up. But wow, the interior smells like moldy dust. Fortunately one’s nose goes numb after a few minutes.
The interior does have some neat artwork. There’s some graffiti on some of the walls that actually pretty well done. On the other side are some paintings of titties and other naked females.
The bar area itself is quite large. As I had heard that the tap piping here is on the dirty side, I didn’t venture too close. Really didn’t want to know.
At the back is a raised stage with DJ table, and a small dance floor. The waitress asked us if we wanted to do Karaōke. Considering the place was filled with some really creepy looking guys (I wanted to take a picture but didn’t want to get stabbed with a syringe), we politely declined. In the background they kept playing the same 5 or so Rage Against the Machine songs. They looped this. Oh, then they also played a hard rock version of Billy Joel’s Uptown Girl in between the RATM loopings.
Today (Wednesday) the special was $ 3 Cariboo pints (several types available). These are the real deal. No skimping on the volume here. They also had $ 9 pitchers as part of the same promotion. I had the lager. It actually wasn’t bad.
As the place really stunk, I dared not venture into the washroom. Maybe some other fellow Unilocaler can take one for the team.
This may not be the place to go for a hot date.

I spent my entire last weekend here for some reason. It was a little slow on the Friday, despite some metal bands playing. A lovely fellow with forehead tattoos kept my cousin and I company for most of the night. I think his name was Ryan. Anyways, we realized halfway through the night that someone abandoned 4 open but full cans of Caribou on our table.
Our new friend Ryan grabbed an empty pitcher and filled it with our new free beers. I may or may not have drank a few glasses of this questionable beer. I like to keep it mysterious though, so I’ll let the readers decide what happened.
We came back the very next night for SNFU and it was packed! It was a good night and the drinks there are pretty cheap. The only downside of the entire weekend was when an empty but very used thing of underarm deodorant landed in my lap after flying across the bar. I hucked it back at the crowd and I think I hit a really tall guy.
Aaaanyways, the washroom is hard to figure out in a drunken haze, but I sort of figured out that the middle stall is probably your best bet if you want the door to close and lock almost properly.
There is plenty of seating available which I really like. I also like the man that wanders through the bar selling pizza slices. He spiced things up on Saturday and sold calzones instead. WACKY.

We staggered over here after the Unilocal Elite party at the New Oxford, we went from classy graduates, to sloppy drop-​outs in a matter of minutes. It was karaōke night at the Winker Beans, so we needed to get on that stage and rock the joint. They had the song list taped up to the wall outside the bathrooms, which was not the most pleasant place to stand if you were planning on breathing without a gas mask. We picked out a few songs and they somehow made it into the DJ’s hands, I honestly don’t remember much past this point? However, I do recall staggering next door to use the bank machine since they do not have one in the pub.
Lucky for me, I didn’t have to take out too much money since doubles cost about $ 6.50 or so, and obviously at this point I really needed another drink. Most of the people who get up to sing aren’t very good, myself included, so you never have to follow up some jerk that actually CAN sing who regularly comes down to practice for their cover band at the pub, who thinks they are the shit. The place was not too crowded, in fact I don’t think it was crowded at all, so even if I was seeing double, there was a lot of room to sit down with a crew of peeps and get in on the fun. I sang some Pearl Jam, cuz I’ve heard that I can do a pretty good Eddie Veddar. I like to think that rumour is true.
I have to ask though, why the heck is this place called Funky Winker Beans? What the heck are Winker Beans anyways?

I don’t understand the low ratings for this place, c’mon people, it is what it is… a dive!
This in not the sort of place where I could really walk in and be genuinely shocked or surprised by the general grubbiness, the state of the washrooms, the sticky carpet or the «colourful» clientele. Seriously, anyone with this reaction, do you know where you are?
I can tell you now, you ain’t in Kansas anymore, Toto.
Sure, Funky’s may not be my number one choice of watering hole EVERY day of the week, but when I visit to check out some local punk/​metal/​hardcore/​grindcore/​doom/​thrash-​whatever is on that night, its totally fine.
Cheap drinks, table service and one of the safest venues on East Hastings to watch live music. And you know, in the big scheme of dives worldwide, this place is tame as hell.
If you miss the «real» Cobalt and want an unpretentious venue for live music where you can shout and swear and get highly intoxicated, check it out. If peeing without a lock on the door or being served by some goth-​babe with attitude is going to keep you awake at night, perhaps give it a miss.

Love it. Great place to hear local punk & metal bands on the weekend. Decent priced drinks, friendly staff, and if you’re into old dive bars this place is perfect.
As for the washrooms, they always seem to be missing a few key items, but hey, I don’t come here for the cleanliness.

If you have to go to Canada, make your trip pleasant, and go here. Its my number one spot for that country.
The floor is sticky, the air is sticky. No atter how freezing it is outside, its humid as a Banthas Ass crack in this place. You can almost drink the warm salty air with a hint of 80’s metal BO.
I love it, and i now crave it from writing this review. Beers are cheap, service is fast and this is the only place to go after the Cobalt closed.
Do yourself a favor, get in there, let the pores of your skin open up and absorb the delicious atmospheric molecules this place provides.

I go past everyday on my way to work. looks like a rough crowd. never went in. Last night though it was my housemates memorial there and so I took a friend and off we went. Cheap drinks, friendly bartenders. No pretention. Good bar feel… I’m that kind of girl

This is getting to be one of my favourite bars in Vancouver. I’m not even going to tell you why because I want to keep it the way it is. So just forget you ever saw this.

Hahahahahahahaa. After reviewing the Cambie a story popped into my head and I just had to review Funky Winker Beans. When I say I love the Cambie people often tell me its sketchy and they don’t feel safe there. That’s when I tell them about Funky Winker Beans. A couple of my guy friends swear by the $ 2 pints here… yyyeeeaaahhhhh…
At the behest of my date I went here with him and a friend of his (another small girl). Right in the middle of the bad part of East Hasting, next to Save on Meats, is this little gem.
We walk in, and the first thing we see is a poster of a missing woman taped to a structural pole. Awesome…
Next thing we see are several giant Plasma HD TVs showing CBC… Alright…
Once we sat down, I noticed that my coaster had that nice half wet and then dried look to it and I noticed half a phone number written on it. I applaud the good common sense that made the person not give the final 4 digits…
It was pretty apparent that our waitress was on the 3^rd day or so of neglecting personal hygiene, and to be honest, I’m not sure why we had a waitress at all…
The bathrooms… I’m not a neat freak or a clean freak… but try to stay out of them. The woman’s bathroom was missing at least one door. Why? Maybe someone really needed it.
It was a Thursday and it was karaōke night. I can only assume this one woman was a regular, she definitely seemed the part, and sang about every 3^rd song. The beer is ridiculously cheap here so we ended up drinking quite a lot and ended up closing the bar with our own rendition of «Tearin’ Up My Heart»…after the local bar stars rendition of «Kiss From A Rose» I thought she owed us one. I can assure you though, not one song sung was not ear grating, and that included ours.
All in all the crowd of strung out patrons and the general air of the place made me feel like I could get shanked at any moment, and I was warned not to sit in one of the corner tables because it would be assumed I was «buying.»
After our little adventure here we walked, very briskly, to the Cambie, where I have never felt more safe.

SHADY… I’ve been living in Oaktown for a year and a half now and this place is pretty f’ing shady. I had good time, but I’m certain that this place only goes OK when there’s a gig there.
My cousin and his posse had a shindig here (No More Strangers) and I think that livened the place up a lot, otherwise I can imagine the barflies, junkies and weirdos kicking it here. The neighborhood isn’t great at night, so watch your ass if you’re headed around the way.
When a buddy and me ordered a pitcher a cute chick attending the same event immediately says «whatever you do, don’t order beer from the tap… the taps here are dirty and gives people upset stomachs» she says this as she walks away with a pitcher full of tap beer (also, this was not the first time nor the only place I’ve heard that line said to me in Canada; I guess there are a lot of dirty taps up in ‘er). Seeing as we’re two homeboys from the Oaktown, we get a couple of pitchers anyway… It was fine…, what wasn’t fine was an old homeless lady was all over my buddy when we were drinking beer before the band played! It was pretty funny however!
Over all the place is pretty sh@t, but if there’s a gig there it’s worth it.
Who said Canada was all clean?