I went in for Zoom! teeth whitening. ME: I have some concerns. Mainly, I’m worried about my teeth coming out spotty. Do you think this could happen with my teeth? HYGIENIST: Nothing to worry about. I’ve only had it happen once. (one painful hour later) ME: Why are there white splotches on the edges of my front teeth?!? HYGIENIST: Oh, that’s because of natural discoloration in your teeth. Despite inspecting my teeth before the procedure, and despite my specific concerns about splotching, she gave me *no indication* that I had any«natural discoloration» in my teeth. She was totally unapologetic, and basically said, «hopefully they’ll fade with time.» Apart from making the edges of my teeth go much, much whiter than the rest of my dental surfaces, and excruciating«zinging» pain which will be familiar to anyone who’s done Zoom!, the procedure had no noticeable effect. I haven’t bothered picking up my impression trays for at-home touch ups because who knows what the heck will happen to my teeth this time.